The Way of the Nightbloods
by IzzyMorgensternXX
Summary: Set 3x07, Lexa is shot leaving Clarke to care for her and her nightbloods. Lexa reminisces about her own childhood and training and the events that have led to her becoming Heda.
1. Chapter 1

The small child stood in the throne room at Polis looking up at the odd tree-like throne that stood before her. The Commander, a woman with flaming red haired, sat authoritatively upon the throne, gazing with an intrigued stare at the natblida in front of her.

The little girl felt timid, but despite being no more than two, she knew better than to show it. Instead she averted her eyes at first, giving the Commander an unbalanced curtsy before meeting her eyes unwaveringly when the Commander told her to get up.

"Leksa kom Trikru?" the Commander asked.

"Yes, Heda," the girl replied, trying to stop herself from toying with the end of one of her pigtails.

"Do you understand why you are here?" the Commander inquired and Leksa gave her a small nod, her eyes still holding onto the Commander's own bright blue ones.

"I am a natblida," the young girl began, in as loud a voice as she could muster, looking out at the circle of elders and generals that surrounded her, "I have been sent to Polis for training."

"Good," the Commander said with a quasi-smile, "You are lucky, Leksa kom Trikru. It is a great honour to be born a natblida. Here you will want for nothing. You may even become the next Commander. But you must be prepared to train hard, to listen to your elders, to give everything you have to your people. Do you understand?"

Leksa nodded. She had been told little about what it meant to be a natblida. Her mother and father had been both pleased and saddened by the news, though, when their daughter had asked them why they were sad they'd told her it was nothing to worry about. Leksa pondered the Commander's words- she was a farmer's daughter, she had expected to live a life of hard work and obedience back in Trikru lands. She wasn't afraid of hard work, and whilst her elders scared her a little, she knew that she could be respectful. She could do this, she could survive, and maybe even thrive in Polis. But become the next Commander- did she really want that?

Leksa cleared her mind. No, she told herself, if she became Commander it wouldn't be about her, it would be about doing what was right for her people. She couldn't be selfish anymore.

"Anya?" the Commander called out, and a tall, brown haired woman walked out from the crowd. To Leksa she looked regal, and somewhat intimidating. Leksa felt in awe of her, and immediately decided that she wanted to be as much like the mysterious woman as possible. Because the woman, Anya, she captivated the elders and the generals, with several giving her questioning looks, and muttering amongst themselves. Leksa admired the woman's ability to be so influential- that would be a key skill to master if she became the next Commander.

"Yes, Heda?" the woman asked.

"I understand you have been looking for a second," the Commander began, "As you understand the training of the nighblidas is the responsibility of myself, Titus the Flamekeeper and the most talented of my generals. You have proven yourself strong and capable, Anya kom Trikru. It is only right that you are gifted a natblida to train, especially one who is your kinswoman."

Anya looked at Lexa with unwavering brown eyes, looking at her questioningly. Leksa tried to hold her gaze but being looked at with that level of scrutiny made her waver. As soon as her eyes darted away she felt the woman grab for her chin, startling her and making her immediately make eye contact again.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Leksa stuttered worriedly, "I meant no disrespect to you, my lady."

Anya sighed, "You must not let your emotions dictate you reactions, Leksa kom Trikru. You must not let your fear consume you."

Leksa nodded passionately, before Anya let out what looked like the slightest smile. The woman turned back to the Commander.

"I am honoured, Heda," Anya told her, "I will gladly accepted Leksa kom Trikru as my second."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa was just recalling her first day in Polis when the sound of gun shots broke through her reverie. She quickly dashed through the corridors from her room to where the sound was coming from. Panic filled her veins.

Weapons were banned here, so of course any sound of gunshots was worrying. That wasn't the only thing however, the sound, the direction of it…

The gunshots were coming from Clarke's room.

Lexa burst into the room to see Clarke running. Running from the gun man, who was… Titus? Titus, her trusted adviser.

The shot sounded loud and instantly Lexa felt pain radiate throughout her stomach. She paused, looking down in shock, her mind not quite registering what was going on, but Clarke's look of utter horror telling her everything she needed to know. She remained standing for a few moments, looking down at her hand which was covered in black blood. She looked up at Clarke, noticing the fear in the girl's eyes, before the strength went out of her legs and she fell to the ground.

The next thing she knew Titus was yelling at her and Clarke was standing above, and she… she was lying on a bed, the pain raging through her, blood spilling from her stomach. She was scared, although she tried her hardest not to be. And she knew… she knew, that this was the end. In some ways that comforted her, because the pain would still be over. But it also broke her heart into an infinite number of pieces, because she knew for Clarke it wouldn't be the end, and that she would be left in so much pain without any way that Lexa could help her.

"It will be ok, just lie still, ok?" Clarke said, trying to reassure her, but the fear was evident and heavy in her voice, "Just lie still."

Lexa felt Clarke's hands on her stomach and despite the pain she tried to take comfort in Clarke's presence and keep still.

Clarke was being so strong for her, Lexa thought, her eyes glistening with tears, so strong. "Don't be afraid," she told her, in a voice barely above a whisper. If there was anything Lexa could do to help Clarke, she absolutely had to do it. And she only had a little time. There was so much to organise…she needed to talk to Aden, reassure Titus that she didn't blame him, ensure that Clarke and the 13th clan and the alliance were protected…

"You're going to be fine," Clarke said, trying to reassure her, "Just stay still."

Lexa tried to give a comforting look but as Clarke tore open her shirt, she could see the look on Titus and Clarke's faces and feel their silence. Lexa's breathing was raspy now and as she leaned slightly to see her injured stomach, she could see the black blood streaming from the wound.

"She's losing too much blood," Clarke observed as she tried to control the bleeding.

"Stay with me," Clarke said to Lexa, as she frantically cleaned the wound, "What is that? Titus, what are you doing?"

Lexa leaned slightly to see what Titus was doing. Ah… he knew too. He knew it was time. She just wished he could say something to reassure Clarke, because Lexa's breathing was becoming more and more difficult now and there was no way she could speak.

"I will fix you," Clarke told her, with a defiant look in her eyes, "Just stay with me."

Lexa looked at her adoringly. That was her Clarke, the same Clarke who had fought against her decisions, did whatever she believed was right. The same Clarke who had walked into a grounder camp, without fear, and faced the unknown when she was just inches from death. She loved her. She had meant to tell her earlier, but the fear… and that old nagging feeling of 'love is weakness' had gotten in the way.

I love you, Lexa thought with as much strength as she could muster, hoping that she could somehow will herself to say it out loud.

"Get away from her," Clarke said as Titus walked near. Lexa looked up at him with betrayed and concerned eyes. She only wanted to see Clarke, to hear Clarke's voice telling her everything would be ok. But she knew she must also make preparations for her death rite.

"Forgive me, Heda," Titus begged.

"You will never again attempt to hurt Clarke, " Lexa commanded in Trigedasleng, surprised to find her voice was still strong, "Swear it."

"I swear it," Titus replied.

"Then do your job," Lexa replied, knowing she was only a minute or so from slipping away altogether, and letting her eyes close for the briefest of moments. No! She had to say goodbye to Clarke first. "Serve the next as you have served me, Flamekeeper."

Titus nodded before moving away.

"Hey," Clarke told her, "Don't you dare give up."

Lexa shook her head, "My spirit will live on." Lexa needed Clarke to understand…

"No!" Clarke yelled, "I am not letting you die!"

"There's nothing you can do now," Lexa told her, surprised to find her voice so calm. She had been trained well, but still she had broken that one rule, and fallen in love with Clarke. She expected that she would want to cling to life, but now, now she just wanted to let go. To go peacefully, so that she didn't burden Clarke any more than she already had. "The next commander will protect you."

Lexa thought of Aden, who was like a little brother to her. She knew Hedas weren't allowed to have favourites but she'd have been lying if she didn't admit that she'd been giving him extra training sessions in private, let him borrow her favourite books and let him eat the best quality meals that the kitchens could prepare.

"I don't want the next Commander!" Clarke told her, "I want you!"

Lexa looked up at Clarke with despair, she wished she could do anything. Reach out a hand. But she felt too weak. She had never felt this weak.

"I'm ready, Heda," Titus told her.

Lexa nodded and Clarke stepped back, confused, as Titus began his ritual. Taking her blood and marking his face.

"Clarke," Lexa said, breathlessly.

"I'm right here," Clarke told her, stroking her hair, and trying to hold back tears.

"Ai gonplei ste odon," Lexa told her. It was time.

"No," Clarke told her defiantly, shaking her head, "No, I won't accept that."

"You were right, Clarke," Lexa said her, with a smile, "Life is about more than just surviving."

Clarke shook her head, it was clear to Lexa that the girl was having a hard time accepting what was happening. She wished she could do something, anything, to help her.

But it was too hard.

She felt her eyes close, and no matter what she wanted she couldn't get them to open again.

She tried to hold onto to the feeling of Clarke's warm hands, stroking her hair, hoping she could take that to the afterlife.

Then there was darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

"No!" Clarke yelled as she saw Lexa lose consciousness, she began to frantically search for a pulse. She had let the shock of the moment overcome her, letting her feel hopeless. But she couldn't let Lexa go. She had told her not to give up, and Clarke wouldn't give up either. There had to be a way.

"She has gone," Titus told her.

Clarke shook her head, her hand resting on Lexa's neck, "You're a Flamekeeper. Not a healer. Lexa is alive, but only just. I need… I need some plastic tubing and some needles. I have a plan."

"Clarke?" Murphy asked, "Clarke, tell him to untie me so I can help."

"He is a thief," Titus protested.

"Yes," Murphy said, "And you'll be a dead man if those little baby Lexas find out you let their Commander die, so untie me so I can help Clarke."

Clarke nodded, as Titus began to untie Murphy, "And go and get Aden."

Titus nodded, as Murphy jumped up and went to Clarke's side, just as Titus rushed out of the door.

"Lexa's blood," Clarke began, "It's nightblood. I don't know what that means. But.. but if a nightblood were to give blood to another nightblood. With Aden's help, I could…"

Murphy nodded, "It could work. I heard about the blockade… Octavia was here, apparently. Would she still be here? I mean, if she could get back to camp, your Mom…"

Clarke smiled, "Yes, I told her I would be leaving, well, now. Her room is just down the corridor, third on the left."

Murphy nodded before leaving quickly.

"Your fight isn't over, Lexa," Clarke told her, using the cloth to clean away some of the blood and get a better look at the wound, "So you better keep holding on, just like I know you can. Octavia's going to get my Mom, she'll know what to do. Until then your nightbloods will be able to help you. I'm not giving up. Never."

"Heda?" Clarke heard a young boy's voice say, and then saw Aden dart quickly to Lexa's side.

"What happened?" Aden asked, worry clear in his eyes.

"She was shot," Clarke explained, giving Titus a look that told him they would speak later, and he wouldn't like what she had to say, "I need your help, Aden. To keep Heda alive."

"That was the first of the oaths that I swore," Aden told her, with a sincerity beyond his years.

"Ok," Clarke began, "Lexa has lost a lot of blood. My Mom will be here at the earliest by tomorrow morning. I assume there is some protocol in place? To allow Octavia and my Mom to travel here safely."

Aden nodded, "The Flamekeeper operates in place of Commander when she is too ill to perform her duties and the council cannot be postponed."

"I will argue for allowances to be made," Titus said, "If the council votes yes, then we will go ahead. If not, I will send one of the generals to ensure their safety. I must go speak to them."

Clarke nodded, "Thank you, now, Aden. I need to replace Lexa's blood with nightblood. To keep her alive, I need you and the other nightbloods to help me, ok?"

"Clarke," Aden said with a slightly amused and confused look, "I told you only a minute ago that my first oath was to keep my Heda alive."

Clarke nodded, with a slight smile.

"Do it," Aden said holding out an arm to her, as Titus passed her the plastic tube and needles that she needed and Clarke arranged them.

Clarke looked down at Lexa worriedly. The girl looked pale and her skin was ice cold to the touch. She only had an hour or so if this didn't work. But there was no reason why it wouldn't. The bleeding had slowed and Clarke had packed the wound to try to minimise the bleeding. It appeared to working a little. Hopefully doing this would give her enough time to find out the damage that had been done and provide her mother with enough information to help her remove the bullet.

Clarke watched as Aden's blood began to travel into Lexa's body. She didn't know much about nightbloods but she guessed they all had the same blood. Maybe it was a bit like AB rhesus negative.

"Is it working?" Aden asked, as he looked as his Commander worriedly.

Clarke sighed, "We'll have to wait a few minutes. If it does work, well, Lexa won't be as pale and her heart beat will be steadier."

Aden nodded, "You love her, don't you?"

Clarke smiled and nodded, "Yes, I do."

"Good," Aden said, "I always worried about Heda, being alone. She always seemed so sad."

Clarke nodded, "She lost someone dear to her."

"You mean Costia," Aden said, with a heavy sigh, "Heda was so happy with Costia. I haven't seen her so happy until King Roan rescued you and brought you back to her."

Clarke sighed, not wishing to telling the boy the real truth and ruin what was likely a wonderful romantic tale that the nightbloods had made up to entertain themselves.

"I can tell that she loves you too," Aden told her, "If it was anyone else she wouldn't have made us swear to protect their clan. If it was Ice Nation… Our Heda made a lot of changes to protect you."

Clarke smiled, looking down at Lexa, who at least looked free of pain, "I know. I put her under a lot of pressure."

"No," Aden said, looking up at Clarke with piercing eyes, "A Heda always takes responsibility for her own actions. A Heda does not try to pass the blame to someone else. If Heda chose that 'Blood must not have Blood' that's because it's the right decision."

Clarke smiled at the boy, she admired his devotion to Lexa. She knew all of the nightbloods saw Lexa as an older sister but out of all of them Aden was most like a brother to Lexa. She'd seen Lexa take particular care with him. When Aden got injured, it was Lexa who bandaged his wounds, not some nameless medic. It was normal for Aden to get invited to Lexa's rooms a good three or so times a week for extra leadership training and the boy often joined Clarke and Lexa for dinner. Aden and Lexa shared the same love of books and there had been a good number of times when Clarke had been left dumbstruck watching the two of them debate the details of particular novel which she had never heard of. Aden and the nightbloods brought out a different side to Lexa- a motherly/ sisterly protective side which made Clarke wonder what Lexa's life would have been like if she'd grown up in Trikru lands.

"I wonder who will train us," Aden pondered, "Heda looks really sick, and I asked Titus when he said she was injured. He said he would be leaving soon. Is that true?"

Clarke sighed, she knew it wouldn't be easy to tell them, but they needed to hear it. The nightbloods, despite being children, had not grown up with innocence. They had grown up from toddler-hood with the knowledge that they and their playmates would someday be embroiled in a bloody battle to the death. It made their hearts harder. They could handle the betrayal.

"It was Titus," Clarke told him, "Titus shot Lexa. By accident- he meant to shoot me instead."

Aden frowned, "Why? Titus was her most trusted adviser. He's been with her since she first arrived in Polis. It's common knowledge that our Heda was his favourite right from the beginning- he even used to buy her presents for the solstices!"

"It was my fault," Clarke said, tears forming in her eyes as she looked at Lexa again. Arkadia had caused Lexa so much pain- they had burnt three hundred of her warriors alive, killed her army, even the injured. Lexa had forgiven them, changed a century's worth of traditions, and still Pike was a threat. And now, now she was fighting for her life, all because Titus knew the truth. He knew that Lexa's judgements would always be clouded by her love for Clarke. By no means had Titus done the right thing, but Clarke couldn't help feeling that she deserved that bullet. She deserved to be the one in pain. Not Lexa.

"It was his fault," Aden said, "He was the one who shot her. You shouldn't blame yourself, Clarke of the Ski-people."

Clarke smiled, wiping away her tears, "Thank you, Aden."

The boy smiled, "You know. Costia wasn't really a fighter- yeah, she could fight, but not as well as Lexa, not even as well as most generals. Heda always worried about her. But you, Clarke, you're Wanheda. The Commander of Death. And Heda told us you even tried to poison Queen Nia once, and nearly did, which means you're really strong and brave. If you survived being caught by Queen Nia, well, it means Heda has less to worry about. And being Wanheda, well Heda probably hasn't told you all our legends… but it's a big deal. It's like being an honorary nightblida. And if.. if Heda's not going to be able to train us for a while and Titus is leaving… Then I speak for my nightblood brother and sisters when I say I'd be more than grateful if you'd consider training us."

Clarke grinned, tears spilling from her eyes. Honorary nightblida… she'd never thought of herself as anything like that. But looking back, of course, from the nightbloods' perspective, she was Lexa's equal. She was the commander of her own people, Skikru, and of death too, Wanheda. And Lexa, Lexa had told them about her and Queen Nia. Had been bragging about her to the nightbloods? No wonder they turned to her instead of Indra or one of the other generals.

"I would love to," Clarke began, "But I don't know your ways. I don't know sword fighting or staff fighting. I don't know the oaths of the nightbloods, or the sort of diplomatic and leadership training Lexa was doing with you."

"Ok," Aden said, "We can go through the exercises Heda taught us for our drills. And well, you should learn a bit of sword fighting too. Because I know Skikru has guns, but they're not… they're not proper weapons, proper weapons have to be mastered with years of dedication and discipline… guns are not clean. And we'll teach you our oaths, our moral codes, and you can help supervise our morning and evening pledges. And as for the diplomatic and leadership training, well, Heda always wanted us to learn more about Skikru. Maybe you could tell us about your life as a part of Skikru. I've always wanted to know what it was like living in space."

Clarke nodded, "Ok, I think it could work then. But I need to help Lexa first, so no training for the next couple of days."

Aden shook his head, "I'm the eldest, I'll supervise until Heda is well enough to be left for a few hours. We pledged to train every day, no matter what."

Clarke smiled, "Ok, but any problems and you come to me immediately."

Aden nodded, looking at the tube connecting his arm to Lexa's, "Is she getting better now?"

Clarke placed a delicate hand on Lexa's neck, "Her pulse is much stronger. She should be fine for now. But she might need a bit more blood later. The bleeding from her wound has pretty much stopped. My mom will be here tomorrow to remove the bullet. It's just infection that I'm worried about."

Aden looked at his commander contemplatively, before his eyes lit up with a spark like one of Lexa's many candles, "Titus had a book of herbal teas. Whenever Heda was injured he'd always make one to help healing. To stop inflammation and fever. I guess I could find the book. You know herbs, don't you?"

Clarke nodded, it had been one of the things they'd covered in Earth Studies on the Arc. They had been sent to Earth with basic medical supplies, but they had soon begun to run out. With her mother's guidance she'd started to use herbs to treat the more basic illnesses and injuries and conserve supplies.

Clarke carefully removed the needles from Lexa and Aden's arm and Aden jumped up in a way that made Clarke feel panicky. The boy must have easily donated a pint and a half of blood, far more than Clarke was comfortable with, and yet he still looked like he was ready for an afternoon's training. Maybe it was nightblood blood, Clarke thought, before realising the explanation was much simpler. Nightbloods were always getting injured, always suffering blood loss. Losing a pint or so of blood was nothing to them.

"Thank you, Aden," Clarke said and the boy gave her a little smile.

"It's nothing," Aden said before racing off.

Clarke looked at Lexa. Yes, she looked much healthier now. She was warmer, not sickeningly so. There was a little colour in her face. Her pulse was strong. Clarke sighed deeply, she knew she needed to check the wound. The bleeding had almost stopped, and it had been a while since she'd packed and put pressure on the wound. Clarke carefully removed each of the bandages, all of them sodden with black blood. Soon the wound was visible and Clarke took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She was not scared of blood, but the wound was still horrific. The bullet had torn through fat and muscle but fortunately had missed any vital arteries and organs. Clarke couldn't see the bullet, and she knew she'd have to keep Lexa very still, to avoid it moving and causing any further damage. Clarke began to pack the wound again, just as the bleeding began to increase with the lack of pressure. Everything and nothing, Clarke thought to herself, there had been no serious damage to Lexa's stomach or intestines or aorta but still she couldn't see the bullet, and there was no exit wound. And there had been heavy bleeding. Something wasn't right.

Clarke sighed, she'd just have to wait until her Mom arrived. Lexa was strong, she was a survivor. She was reminded of the time when they'd been running from the Paunua and Lexa jumped, dislocating her shoulder badly. Clarke had been nervous about putting it back into place without any pain meds, but Lexa had told her to just get on with it. It hadn't been the first time, Lexa told her, nor would it be the last. Clarke admired Lexa's strength but she knew it had come at the cost of being in near constant pain throughout her childhood.

Clarke watched as Lexa frowned a little but she couldn't tell if the girl was dreaming or waking up. The conversation with Aden had sent her mind reeling with questions. What was a nightblood's childhood like? Were there any moments where they could just be kids? She felt her eyes blur with tears thinking about everything Lexa missed out on. Lexa had certainly suffered a lot.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Nightbloods weren't supposed to bring anything with them to Polis when they started their training. Everything would be provided for them, their parents were told. They were to leave their old lives behind. But toddler Leksa didn't know anything of this, and she fretted wondering when she would see her parents again, what clothes she would wear, what would happen to her toys. One toy, a little stuffed cat, she had taken with her, hidden in the folds of her cloak and she took particular care with it, because something, something which she couldn't yet explain in words had told her that Anya wouldn't let her keep it if she found out.

"Leksa!" she heard a voice yell, and the little girl jumped up from her bed, placing Sooty carefully under her mattress and darting across her room and into the main room where her mentor, Anya, was gathering together several weapons.

"Yes, my lady," Leksa replied, trying to hide the guilt from her face.

"It's training time," Anya told her. Leksa grinned excitedly. The lessons in leadership and diplomacy were interesting, but they couldn't hold a toddler's attention for long. They were meant more for the older students. Leksa was the youngest of the nightblidas. The closest to her in age was Luna, who was four. Luna had an older brother, but Leksa hadn't spoken to him much in the week or so she'd been there.

"Will Luna be there?" Leksa asked excitedly, before looking away in fear, "I'm so sorry, my lady! I forgot to only speak when spoken to."

Anya grinned a little, looking at the little girl who stared at her boots miserably, expecting to be punished, "Make it up to me during training, Leksa."

The little girl nodded, before walking alongside her mentor to the training room. The summer training room was outdoors and a mile or so from the Polis tower. Leksa loved being outdoors, it reminded her of Trikru lands and the long summer days when she'd race her cousins in the fields, or help with feeding the goats or collecting chicken's eggs. She was homesick, although she didn't know there was a word for it, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by her mentor, Anya. Leksa knew better than to talk to her about it, however. Hedas had to be strong. Love is weakness, she had been taught, Hedas must be alone.

Leksa stayed by Anya's side as they entered the training ground, although every part of her wanted to race towards Luna. Especially as the older girl was stupidly standing with her back away from her, and Leksa wanted to prove herself to Anya by landing a decent surprise attack to make up for her lack of manners earlier.

"Hello, Mr Flamekeeper," Leksa said as Anya stopped to speak to Titus. Leksa noticed one of generals- Indra- rolling her eyes at the young girl.

Titus smiled a little, before passing her a wooden sword. It had only been a week but already Leksa was in love with sword fighting. It felt absolutely natural to her.

"Thank you," Leksa replied before Anya nodded for her to join Luna.

The older girl smiled as she saw Leksa race towards her. With her scrawny looks, characteristic of Trikru, Leksa knew she looked somewhat comical. But still Luna had to respect her, Leksa rarely if ever spoke out of turn, she'd avoided many of the mistakes new nightblidas made. She was respectful and loyal. And there was something else too, Leksa was just… regal. It was in the way she stood, always making eye contact, the way she didn't let Indra's opinions bother her. She looked like a Heda should. And of course, that made Luna jealous. Very jealous. But Leksa wasn't aware of that at the time, nor would she have cared much anyway. If it weren't for what happened next…

"Hello, Luna," Leksa said, swinging her sword back and forth in her hand, "How's your training going?"

Luna shrugged, "Better." It was no great secret that she was struggling with the physical aspects of her training, but her mentor pushed her hard and the word failure wasn't in Luna's vocabulary. She was no natural fighter like Leksa, but she would work hard to make it to the same level as the best nightblidas. No matter how long that took.

"Good," Leksa said, "Do you want to spar today?"

Luna nodded, but there was still a little sullenness on her face.

"Ok," Leksa began, throwing off her cloak, before noticing the look on her friend's face, "Luna, what's wrong?"

Luna sighed, "I just miss home."

"Me too," Leksa admitted with a heavy sigh, "But I still have Sooty."

"Sooty?" Luna asked with a frown, "Who's sooty?"

"My cat," Leksa told her proudly, "Mommy made him for me when I was a baby."

Luna smiled.

"You could borrow him," Leksa suggested, "If you want. I could sneak him to you tomorrow, Anya's got a meeting tomorrow and Titus won't tell if he notices."

Luna smiled, nodding, "Thank you, Leksa."

The little girl smiled, glad to be able to help her friend.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

When Leksa returned to her room. She expected to get shouted at. Anya had left early from training, needing to report to the Heda but Leksa had stayed on, promising to return as soon as night fell. However, it was a good two hours after nightfall, and she had long missed dinner. She was scared now, she knew Anya had a quick temper. But it had been worth it. She'd finally gotten some of the older nightblidas to fight her. In fact, the eldest of the lot had agreed and she'd been ecstatic, even though she knew he was probably only doing it for a laugh. Still, he had underestimated her, and he had paid for it. Leksa would be covered in cuts and bruises the next day, but she had managed to trip the older and much stronger boy and he'd suffered a nasty limp.

"I'm so sorry, my lady," Leksa yelled, rushing into the apartment.

Anya stood before her with a disappointed and angry look on her face and Leksa could feel herself begin to tremble. She didn't dare meet her mentor's eyes.

"Leksa," Anya said, in an authoritive tone, "What is this?"

Leksa looked up, noticing her toy cat in Anya's hand. She let out a nervous sigh. No, no, no… this was far worse than missing dinner.

"Sooty," Leksa said as loudly as she could managed without letting tears fall or the her voice break.

"What did I teach you, Leksa?" Anya asked.

"Love is weakness," Leksa said, "We must be proud of our nightblood. We live to serve the twelve clans. We must abandon ourselves to our training completely. We… we… we must leave our past lives behind. Please… please, Anya… not Sooty."

Anya sighed before crouching to the little girl's level, "A Heda does not beg. A Heda does what is right by her people, she serves them first. Leksa, I need you to hear this. Most other mentors wait, but I don't think it will help you. Leksa, you are not going back home, your home is here, your parents will not see you again, nor do they want to. This is not because they don't love you, but for your own good. Holding onto the past will only hold you back. And being held back here means death. Being homesick means death. Love is weakness. Do you understand?"

Leksa nodded, "Love is weakness."

Anya nodded, "Yes, it is."

"I need to get rid of Sooty," Leksa told her, "So I can be a strong Heda."

Anya sighed and Leksa saw her mentor look away for the briefest of moments. Training to maintain her composure.

Anya passed the soft toy cat to Leksa, who hugged it tightly once before letting out a loud sigh. Leksa walked towards the fire and placing the soft toy cat into the flames.

Anya stared on, trying not to let Leksa hear the surprised gasp that she'd taken. Never had she expected a girl of Leksa's age to take this all so easily. Luna had smuggled in toys too, and it had taken Titus and her mentor several days to get her to give them up.

"Goodbye, Sooty," Leksa said, staring into the flames, "Yu gonplei ste odon. _"_

Leksa remained for a few moments more, watching as Sooty disappeared into the flames. Her childhood and her past life as Leksa kom Trikru disappearing with him. In the years that followed, looking at a flame would always remind her of her past and her parents. Perhaps that was why she like candles so much, because they reminded of her of the carefree life she could have had if she hadn't been born a nightblood.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke stared at the herbs uncertainly, wondering if she had followed the recipe correctly or not, scared as to what might happen if she'd prepared it wrong. The instructions were in Trigedasleng, and whilst she knew how to speak the language, reading it was a whole other matter. According to Aden it was fairly phonetic, and he had been more than happy to help translate a few sections that confused her. Still, Clarke thought as she looked at Lexa, who was growing more and more restless, there was no room for errors, not with Lexa being as delicate as she was at that moment.

Clarke placed the bowl on the side, before moving to grab a bucket of cool water and a cloth. Lexa's fever had started only a couple of hours before. At first Clarke had been pleased, fevers meant healing, they drove out infection. But it had soon increased in intensity, to the point where Lexa was mumbling incoherently in her sleep and thrashing about in a way that frightened Clarke. The bullet was still somewhere inside of the sleeping girl and too much movement could cause more bleeding and damage other organs and blood vessels, even her spine. Clarke didn't want to contemplate those outcomes, it would be bad enough telling Lexa that she'd be unable to train for the next few months, if there was permanent damage…

Clarke placed the damp cloth on Lexa's forehead and she was sure she saw the commander relax a little at the relief it gave her. Clarke had become an expert at reading Lexa's slight facial expressions and far from being cold and stoic as most people thought, Lexa was actually pretty emotional, if you looked close enough.

"Clarke?" Lexa mumbled in her sleep, turning her head groggily in Clarke's direction.

"I'm here," Clarke told her, "Right here."

Clarke brushed her hand through Lexa's hair, knowing that it calmed her and gave the commander a sense of the space around her.

"Wa- water?" Lexa asked, her eyelids beginning to open a little and she tried to raise her head.

"No, no," Clarke told her quickly, afraid Lexa might injury herself, "You stay very very still. I'll get you something to drink."

Clarke gave Lexa a cautious look, before noticing just how exhausted the commander was and relaxing a little. Lexa was smart, she would listen to her.

Clarke quickly mixed the herbs with some clean cold water that had been left in a pitcher next to her bed. She didn't know what strength to make it, so she made it fairly weak. After all, Lexa's stomach was severely painful and that last thing she needed was nausea. Clarke waited a few moments allowing the herbs to mix with the water, turning it a green-red colour. It had a sweet aroma to it, and Clarke felt relieved- surely if it smelt nice it must be prepared well? Then she strained the mixture into a small mug before carrying it carefully to Lexa.

Lexa's eyes were open when Clarke returned. She looked up at her in a way that was only semi-coherent and gave her a tired smile.

"Here," Clarke said, sitting on the bed next to her, and placing an arm under Lexa's head, gradually raising it so that she could drink the mixture.

"It's better than when Titus makes it," Lexa said, "He always make it too strong. This is nice."

Clarke smiled, "Thanks."

Lexa looked up at Clarke with tired eyes, "Clarke… I feel so exhausted. I know you want me to rest, but I need to see her… just for a little while."

"Ok," Clarke said, confusing clear on her face, "I'll get the guards to send for Indra."

Lexa shook her head lethargically, "No, no. Not Indra. Costia. I need to see Costia."

Clarke felt her breath become trapped in her throat. She had thought Lexa was coherent, or at least coherent enough to know where she was and who was with her. Clarke tried her hardest to not look concerned. Lexa and Costia had been lovers, and Lexa had protected Costia fiercely. Any facial expression or wording that suggested Costia was in danger would send Lexa into mania. Clarke couldn't risk it.

"Costia's sleeping," Clarke told Lexa gently, "She's been helping me all day. I told her to go get some rest."

Lexa smiled slightly, her eyelids becoming heavy again, "Ok, I know how much Costia needs her rest. You make sure you rest too, Clarke. I'll be ok."

Clarke took Lexa's hand in hers, "I know, I know we'll all be ok."

Lexa smiled as she fell asleep again and Clarke let out a sigh, allowing tears to run down her face. She looked out at the Polis night sky. It was cloudy and only a few stars were shining. Four hours she told herself. Four hours until sunrise. Octavia had assured her that she could make it to Arkadia and back by then.

Clarke just had to hope, because she was scared of what might happen otherwise.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Nightblidas rarely got days off to just be kids, but Lexa, being the youngest had more time to rest than the others. For one thing, there were lessons that were too difficult to teach to a young child- either because they weren't tall enough or strong enough, or because they were too emotionally undeveloped to grasp the concept. Whilst Lexa had thrown everything into her training during the five years she'd lived in Polis, there were still some lessons that she'd couldn't participate in, and it infuriated her. Anya had listen quietly to the little girl's complaints but had firmly told her that she couldn't change the rules, and that the rules were for her own good. Lexa had given in, using the spare time to practise other aspects of her training. But today… today was Ascension Day, the anniversary of when their current Heda had completed her conclave and became the Commander. All lessons were cancelled and the young nighblidas had been given a small allowance and told to enjoy the day however they liked.

Lexa had planned to spend the day with Anya. She had spent most of the holiday days by her mentor's side. But this year was different. Anya had other plans, there were friends of hers visiting from Trikru lands. She was more than old enough to entertain herself, Anya had told her.

So there Lexa was, wandering through the Polis market, at a loss as to what to do with herself. The training grounds were closed and she'd tried to bribe a street orphan into fighting with her but he'd refused, saying he didn't fight scrawny little girls. She'd spent a little of her allowance- mostly on books and candles. Anya didn't understand why she loved candles so much but she never took them away from her. Now Lexa had about ten in her room and she found nothing more relaxing that reading by candle light with their soft glow surrounding her.

Lexa smiled to herself. Polis was a far cry from Trikru lands but to her it felt like home. She loved the noise of the market, the feel of the warm air in the summer, the smell of the roasting meats at the local restaurants and the sight of the green pastures and hillsides that stretched beyond the city's borders. Yes, if she became Heda she'd be expected to travel, but she could very easily accept Polis as her home for the rest of her life.

Lexa reached the end of the cloth section of the market and was beginning to make her way towards one of the restaurants when she heard the scream. It belonged to a young girl, and Lexa guessed she couldn't be any older than her.

Lexa spun on her heal quickly before noticing the little girl, who was being attacked by two older teenage boys. By the looks of things they were trying to steal her money. Lexa didn't hesitate. Hedas were supposed to serve their people, and this was the perfect opportunity to do so.

She rushed at the older boys, pulling a dagger out of her tunic pocket as she ran. Technically she wasn't supposed to take weapons outside of the training room, but all of the nightblidas broke that rule, and Lexa had taken a particular liking to the dagger. It was simple, but the hilt was old and worn. It was made for its purpose and nothing more, which was exactly what Lexa liked about herself. She was going to make herself a great Heda, anything outside her training was a distraction.

The boys were shocked as the young girl raced towards them, slashing this way and that. They were quick however and mostly dodged her blows, only suffering a few cuts to the face. They could tell that Lexa was relentless and soon gave up and ran away.

It was only when they were a good few hundred metres away that Lexa felt comfortable enough to put her dagger away and turn to face the girl, who no doubt was afraid.

The girl looked up at her with beaming blue eyes, the colour of the Floukru oceans. Her dark blonde hair was braided intricately and hung down to her waist. Her skin was tanned and her face heart shaped. Lexa felt a pang in her chest, she hadn't seen anyone so beautiful.

What made her even more beautiful was the ruby red smile that stretched across her face. There was no fear there at all, only awe.

"That was so awesome!" the girl yelled, prizing a smile from the usually stoic Lexa, "You're a nightblida, aren't you? I wish I was a nightblida."

Lexa grinned, "Yes, I'm a nightblida. My name's Lexa kom Trikru. Well, just Lexa now, really."

"Costia," the girl replied, holding out a hand, which Lexa shook, "And I'm from Trikru too! I've never met anyone from Trikru living in Polis before. My Papa's a farmer, but we come to the market to trade. Thank you for saving me, those boys have been tormenting me and my Papa, even the general couldn't get them to stop."

Lexa felt herself blush at the intensity of the gratitude that was showing in Costia's eyes, "I was doing my duty… what was right, for my people."

Costia smiled, "Well I should at least repay you."

Lexa shook her head, "Thank you but Heda provides everything I need. I'm just happy to help."

"Well at least let me clean your wounds," Costia insisted, and Lexa noticed then that her hand was bleeding, pretty badly too. She must have accidentally cut herself with her dagger.

Costia led her towards a small market table and after some discussion between the young girl and the vendor she managed to get some cloth and a bowl of water.

"Here," Costia said, sitting against the side of a low stone wall, "Sit here. I'll help you."

Lexa stared at the ground awkwardly before joining the young girl. She wasn't used to being fussed over. The only time Anya helped Lexa with her injuries was when she'd dislocated her leg after trying to show off by doing jumps during a training assessment. Whilst Anya had been impressed by her efforts she hadn't been pleased that Lexa was put on bed rest for a week following the accident.

Lexa held out her hand as Costia began to clean the wound. She felt the young girl's hand on her wrist, the warmth of her fingers. Costia began to trace the scars on her arm absentmindedly.

"You get hurt a lot, don't you?" Costia asked, worry clear in her eyes.

"It's our way," Lexa told her simply, allowing herself to get lost in Costia's gaze and she continued to stare as the girl turned back to her work, wrapping Lexa's hand in some of the cloth and smiling shyly when she finished.

"Thank you," Lexa said, as she stood up, a little wobbly as it was a good few hours past midday and she hadn't eaten or drank anything since breakfast.

Costia placed a delicate arm around her waist, looking at her dotingly, "You need to be more careful, Lexa. I know you're a nightblida and all, but you've got to look after yourself. You're going to be our Heda one day and you've got to keep yourself well."

Lexa smiled slightly, as the young girl lead her towards one of the restaurants- her favourite, in fact.

"You know, there are nine people who will take part in the next conclave," Lexa said.

"Yes, but you're the bravest and you don't give up," Costia said, "So you will win."

Lexa wanted to tell her that there was no way she could know if Lexa was the bravest or most determined, but she didn't feel like arguing. She smiled, taking the compliment instead and hoping that Costia would be right.

"Now," Costia said, "I'm going to buy you lunch, Lexa. And I don't want to hear any arguing."

Lexa grinned, "Ok, thank you."

"It's nothing, my Heda," Costia told her.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

As much as Clarke had tried to stay awake, she had ultimately failed. Her head rested on her arm, her hand still entwined with Lexa's, her hair blending with Lexa's long and sleek waves.

The sun was just beginning to peak into the Polis tower when Clarke woke up groggily, and aching too. Her sleep position had hurt her back and her arm was numb, but still it was nothing compared to how Lexa must have been feeling.

Clarke look worriedly at the commander. She was still red in the face, and clearly had a high fever, but she had stopped mumbling. Clarke placed a hand on her neck, noticing that her pulse was strong… but abnormally fast. She quickly grabbed a cloth and some cool water, using it to clean Lexa's face and arms. Lexa was still wearing her dirty and torn clothes from the day before but Clarke didn't want to chance moving her. There would be time for that after the bullet was removed. Once that happened Lexa's handmaidens could get to work doing whatever they did to ensure that Lexa had enviably soft hair and always looked perfect not matter how horrible a battle she'd fought earlier that day.

There was a knock at the door, and the person entered before Clarke had a chance to welcome them. There was no way it was Titus, he had stayed away and Clarke had been grateful for that. She didn't have the energy to face him right then.

Clarke smiled as Octavia and her mom walked into the room, and her mom smiled back, but only briefly before noticing Lexa.

"How is she?" Octavia asked.

Clarke sighed, "She has an extremely high fever, she wasn't coherent when she woke up. She er… still thought Costia was alive."

Octavia nodded, taking the bowl of water from Clarke, "Here, let me do that. Go speak to your mom."

Clarke smiled gratefully before walking over to her mother who was busy unpacking medical supplies.

"How on earth did she survive?" Abby asked, giving her daughter an impressed but concerned look.

"She nearly didn't," Clarke admitted, "I got some of the nightbloods to donate blood. And Titus has a book of tisanes, although I'm not sure how effective they've been. It's… it's Lexa though, isn't it?… It's not like she'd just give up."

Abby nodded, before hugging her daughter, "It's ok. She'll be ok. I know how much she means to you and I swear I'll make her better."

Clarke frowned, pulling away from her mother a little, "How did you..?"

"I saw you at the Unity Day ascension," Abby said with a smile, "Anyone could tell from the way you and Lexa look at each other that you care deeply for her, and that she feels the same way. I'm happy so long as you are happy."

Clarke smiled, tears in her eyes, "I am, I really am. But I'm scared, mom. I'm scared for Lexa."

"Hey," Abby said, "Lexa is strong. She will survive this. Now, I need to know how this happened, what her injuries are."

Clarke let out a shaky sigh, "There's one bullet wound. No exit wound. It hit her stomach, near her diaphragm. She lost a lot of blood. I packed the wound and put pressure on it, but even taking a little pressure off it enough to make it bleed. Mom, I'm scared, it doesn't look like any of her blood vessels or organs were damaged, but with that bleeding. Something just isn't right."

Abby nodded, contemplatively, "You did the right thing. Octavia? Could you get the nightbloods, please. I will need blood from them."

Octavia nodded, trying to give Clarke a reassuring look before swiftly leaving the room.

Abby walked over to Lexa, giving the girl a sympathetic look, and stroking her hair. Lexa fidgeted a little and Abby smiled sadly at the commander.

"She's still responding," Abby said, "It's a good sign. I'll go get her some pain medication and something to make her sleep."

Clarke nodded, "Thank you."

"Anyone else and…" Abby began, holding back tears, "She'll recover. I just know it. But we need to start the operation right away."

Clarke sighed, before turning to Lexa, "Everything will be ok now, Lexa. My mom's here and we're going to get the bullet out. It's all going to be ok."

Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand tightly, knowing there was no way she'd ever let go of her Heda.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke paced backwards and forwards, letting out a shaky and anxious sigh every few minutes. She knew her current frame of mind wasn't helping anything but there was no way she could stay calm right now. She had wanted to stay, wanted to help her mother. It was so unfair! But at the same time, Clarke had to admit to herself, she wouldn't have been able to help, her emotions would have clouded her judgements. And it wasn't like her mother didn't have all of this under control anyway.

So here she was, in Lexa's room, pacing backwards and forwards over and over, trying not to notice the candles that decorated pretty much every surface or the books left on the sofa where Lexa had slept only a day ago when Clarke had drawn her. She didn't want to notice anything that might remind her of Lexa, remind her of the girl she loved who at that moment was in so much danger and so much pain. Clarke took a shaky breath, blinking hard to stop herself crying- in a few minutes she'd have to go and face the generals and ambassadors of the other twelve clans. They were demanding answers and Titus felt it was best she gave them.

At least Aden would be there, Clarke thought to herself. She didn't know much about the politics of the twelve clans- other than the fact that Lexa had united them, and Ice Nation had still caused her plenty of problems even after their reluctant alliance- but the nightbloods had been trained in this since toddler-hood. The nightbloods had voted, Aden was chosen to stand alongside Clarke. Hopefully everything would be ok. Aden had tried to reassure her- apparently Lexa was only fourteen when she was called to lead her people, he was thirteen, the ambassadors would listen to him.

And if they didn't, Clarke thought to herself, well, they'd live in fear of what Lexa might do to them once she got better.

A knock at the door disturbed her from her thoughts. Was it really time already?

No. Murphy opened the door, carrying a tray of food, Clarke gave him an appreciative smile before he placed the tray down on a small candle-less table and departed. She was grateful for his understanding. Right now she just wanted to be left alone. She knew she should probably talk to someone- Octavia perhaps, after all they were both in love with grounders. Or maybe she should be shouting at Titus, it could be therapeutic.

Titus, Clarke thought with a sigh. It would be like Gustus all over again for Lexa. Yet another loyal servant who overstepped his duty to try to protect his Heda. Only Gustus had never intended to poison Lexa, only break the alliance. Titus on the other hand, he'd tried to kill Clarke, and failed, nearly killing Lexa instead. It also seemed that Lexa and Titus went back years, maybe even to Lexa's early childhood. Clarke had seen the pain in Lexa's eyes when she'd taken Gustus's life. Lexa had been broken, anyone looking close enough would have seen the slump of her shoulders, the tears in her eyes. In that moment she wasn't just the commander, she was a young girl who had been betrayed by her friend and was forced into an impossible situation by centuries of tradition.

Jus dre in jus daun, Clarke recalled, only now it was jus dre in no jus daun. Would that still apply to Titus? Surely there were some situations where the need to protect the commander's power was greater than the need to follow the rules.

Clarke stared at the food on the tray. It was far simpler than what she usually ate. Lexa was known for being lavish in her tastes- she had four rugs in her room, including a dead bear rug that creeped Clarke out a fair amount, hundreds of candles, and a wardrobe full of battle outfits. Meals were never a simple affair- usually there were several courses, each made up of rich foods from the various different clan lands. Lexa and Clarke usually shared their meal times with the nightbloods. Lexa ensured that the nightbloods ate the finest foods, just as the commander before her had done. After all, it made sense, one of these children would be a future commander, all of them were worthy of their nightblood. They needed the best to be able to compete well.

Clarke decided against trying to eat. The idea of doing something like that whilst Lexa was still gravely unwell seemed so wrong to her. No doubt if Lexa was there she'd be nagging her about how she needed to take better care of herself. Clarke let a tear fall down her cheek. Please be ok, Lexa, Clarke begged, I can't lose you. I love you too much.

A knock at the door made Clarke quickly brush her tears away, before straightening out the creases in her clothes. When she looked over at the door she noticed Aden smiling. He'd probably seen her as a nervous wreck, but he was too polite to say anything. It made Clarke wonder how open Lexa was with her nightbloods- did they see her as anything other than their perfect commander? Did they celebrate birthdays and holidays together? Would Lexa play games like chase or football with them? Or read stories to them?

"The ambassadors are ready, Wanheda," Aden told her as Clarke walked towards the door.

"Thank you, Aden," Clarke said..

"She'll be ok," Aden told her, and Clarke couldn't help but smile a little, "When she was a child she fell four stories from Polis tower and still survived."

Clarke let out a shocked gasp, "What the-?"

Aden smiled, "I know. Our Heda is strong. She can survive anything."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa knew it was a terrible idea, but still, that didn't stop her from trying. She knew the birds nested in the alcoves, and now that she was ten she was just about tall enough to reach them. It would be a nice gift, Lexa concluded, Costia loved animals in the same way that Lexa loved knives and candles. She couldn't wait to see her and give her the birthday present.

At ten the nightbloods were given more freedoms. They were allowed to stay out until they pleased. They were given regular allowances, although they had to report their purchases to their mentors. In exchange for these freedoms they had to take on more duties- cleaning the training yards, cleaning the apartments, and maintaining the weapons stores were just a few of their responsibilities.

Lexa's favourite job was helping Titus. As the flame keeper it was his job to protect the Hedas. He had already protected three of them and showed no signs of wishing to retire any time soon. As Lexa helped arrange books in the library, or collect supplies for the healers, or, rather badly, calculate the amount that had been spent each quarter for the kitchens and servants and so on, he had told her stories of their adventures and battles. Lexa began to hero-worship the commanders who had come before them, she would note down the details Titus told her and spend hours working out their strategies and thought-patterns to see what she could learn from those wonderful leaders.

This attention to detail hadn't gone unnoticed. Every two years the nightblidas were assessed and ranked against their classmates. Scores were adjusted to take into consideration age, but Lexa knew that age didn't really matter. They could be called to conclave at any moment- even though she was the youngest, she needed to be on par with the eldest and the strongest. But Lexa wasn't just on par, she was excelling. She was the best out of the nightblidas when it came to sword fighting, staff fighting and knife throwing, second best only when it came to archery. She was adept at diplomacy and leadership classes. She always impressed during strategy tests.

Still, she wasn't the best yet. At least, not consistently so. Luna was her main competitor. She had two years on her, and she had a typical Floukru build. Whereas Lexa wouldn't probably outgrow that typical lanky Trikru build until at least her late teen years, Luna was already a good half a foot taller than her, and more muscular. Anya had told her not to fret about it. Being bigger didn't mean someone was better, and Lexa could play it to her advantage, by making herself look weaker than she was.

The idea of doing that was infuriating to Lexa. She wanted a fair fight, a nice bloody fight. She didn't want anyone going easy on her because they thought she was a weak little girl.

Anya had only smiled when she voiced that, and surprisingly affectionately ruffled her hair. That had only wound up Lexa even more, and she'd gone storming off to Titus, who had listen attentively and finally managed to reassure her that there was nothing to worry about. She would shoot up half a foot or more in the next year or so, he told her, and there were certain martial arts that could only be mastered by warriors with a small build. Ones that would be far more effective than whatever Luna was being trained in.

He had given her books on those disciplines and Lexa had spent days pouring over them. In fact, that was what she'd been doing earlier that day, well, until Lincoln had found her whilst she was on yard duty.

Lincoln was also a member of Trikru, not that Lexa would have remembered him. But apparently he remembered her. Lincoln had worked on her father's farm before moving to take a job as a healer's apprentice in Polis. He often teased her about her life as a toddler, calling her adorable, and saying she looked like a fluff-ball with her chestnut curls and large jade eyes. In response to those insults Lexa had chased him around Polis threatening to run him through with her dagger. Soon after they'd become good friends.

It was Lincoln who had told her that Costia was back in the capital, and had reminded her that it was the girl's birthday. Lexa had immediately set to work trying to find the perfect gift. She'd soon concluded that the songbirds outside of her window would be great.

Lexa balanced on the edge of the window frame with near perfect balance, using one hand to hold onto the frame and holding the cage in her other hand. Above her the birds tweeted merrily, their eyes closing sleepily. Lexa didn't dare look at the ground beneath her. She knew she was a good four floors up and that a tumble from this height would probably break an arm or a leg, or if she was very unfortunate, kill her outright.

When Lexa was sure that the birds wouldn't be moving any time soon she moved carefully, repositioning herself, so that she could grab them and place them into the cage. It was hard to do, considering she was no longer holding onto the frame and the wooden beneath her feet was weather beaten and thin. She quickly reached up to grab one of the birds and that was when it happened…

The birds let out a terrible shriek and suddenly they were everywhere. A sea of white, navy blue and black, swarming around her face and body. She lost her sense of direction and balance too and before she knew it, she was falling. The wind rushing around, her stomach turning to mush, but at least she remained composed, not screaming at all.

She hit the ground hard and felt a terrible throbbing in her arm and chest. She quickly tried to right herself but the throbbing grew worse and worse. Worst of all there was a crowd forming. Great, Lexa thought glumly, she had embarrassed herself and the whole of Polis had been there to see it.

She tried to move into a sitting position, breathing as deep as she could, trying to focus on her breathing to avoid acknowledging the pain in her chest. Standing would be harder, but if she could just make it to the tower, then she'd be ok. Titus would know what to do about her arm- which was clearly broken.

It could be a lot worse, Lexa told herself, a broken leg or concussion and you'd be out of training for weeks. A broken arm, well, you can always fight with the other one.

But what would she tell Anya? Lexa sighed, she'd tell her she was stopping an assassin, yes, that should work.

She didn't make it to the tower on her own however, because moments later she heard a voice, which contained so much pain, and that made her fall to her knees because that voice, that voice should never be associated with pain.

"Lexa!" the young girl cried out as she raced to the nightblida's side, pulling her into her arms and hugging her gently.

"I'm fine, Costia," Lexa said, placing a hand on the young girl's cheek.

"Like hell you are," Costia said, "I saw that fall. You're lucky to be alive! Where's Anya? Or Indra? I thought I saw Lincoln earlier. You need help. Your arm is broken badly and I'm sure you've cracked a few ribs."

"Costia, I'll be ok," Lexa said, breathlessly. Yes, she'd definitely broken a few ribs. "I just need to get to Titus. He'll know what to do. Please don't get Anya or Indra, they'll just be mad at me. And as for Lincoln…"

"Mad at you?" Costia asked worriedly, "They'd only be mad with worry. They care about you, Lexa. They'd be worried if they heard you were injured."

Lexa shook her head, "Indra is a general, and Anya is just my mentor. They'd be angry, not worried. I'd be inconveniencing them."

Costia shook her head, "No, they really do care about you, Lexa. But ok, I'll take you to Titus. Only if you promise to allow me to get Indra and Anya the minute you're fixed up. Ok?"

Lexa sighed shakily, "I guess so."

Costia gave her a determined look.

"Yes, Costia, you can get them once we get to the healers," Lexa told her. Not in the mood to argue. This was certainly not how she wanted to reunite with the young girl. In her mind she'd had it all mapped out, they'd go to their favourite restaurant, and then Lexa would give Costia the songbirds, maybe they'd even take a stroll in the city gardens. Now, now she was looking forward to be lectured by her mentor and Indra, neither of which would keep the lecture short, and her arm would probably be out of action for at least a couple of weeks. What had been the perfect plan had resulted in her ruining Costia's birthday.

Costia helped Lexa carefully to her feet, taking a lot of her weight. That was when Lexa noticed that Costia had changed a lot in the year since she'd last seen her. Lexa herself was nearly eleven, and Costia was only a few months off twelve. She was no longer child-like. She was tall and looked like someone about to approach teenage years. Lexa suspected one of her parents must be Floukru, also, because Costia wasn't nearly as lanky as she was. That usually would have made Lexa jealous and irate but with Costia everything was different… because, well, because Costia was hers, although Lexa didn't understand that feeling given that she was only a child still.

It took them a good few minutes to reach the tower entrance and the guards looked less than impressed when they saw the injured Lexa and her friend. Fortunately they didn't ask any questions though and just let them pass. Costia helped Lexa carefully up a short flight of steps towards the main healer's room. Lexa had never thought about it before, but it did make sense to have the healer's room at the base of the tower. Injured generals would be brought here and it wouldn't be practical to have them travel in the elevators. In that moment Lexa was particularly grateful. The pain was getting hard to ignore and her breathing shallower and shallower, if she didn't get there soon, she'd probably pass out, and that was last thing she wanted to do in front of Costia, who was no doubt already filled with worry for her.

Lexa and Costia stumbled towards the healer's room and paused in the doorway until Titus noticed them. The man's face was filled with worry and shock but Lexa could tell this injury was nothing new to him. However, this was the worst she'd been injured in quite a long while. The last time she'd come here was a few months ago, to put a dislocated shoulder back into place. It had been quite simple, and after a few days of resting her arm she's been back to normal. Now, however, Titus looked very concerned, although she didn't know why. A broken arm and a few cracked ribs was nothing.

"How did this happen?" Titus asked as he helped Costia move her towards one of the beds.

"She fell from a window," Costia said, "Four stories up."

Titus gave the girls an alarmed look as Lexa sat down on the bed, letting her back rest against the soft pillows.

"Her arm is broken," Costia continued, "And she's broken a few ribs, her breathing is shaky too. She looks pale."

Titus nodded understandingly, "Go get Anya. She's with Indra, managing a weapons shipment."

Lexa let out a quiet groan. She knew this wasn't going to end well.

"What on earth were you thinking Lexa?" Titus asked as Costia squeezed her hand reassuringly before leaving the room.

"The songbirds," Lexa said, "It's Costia's birthday, I…"

Titus sighed, "They sell songbirds at the market. And books, clothes, jewellery."

Lexa sighed, "I know. But, I wanted to do something special."

Titus nodded, "Next time choose something that won't end up getting you killed."

Lexa nodded glumly, "Anya's going to murder me, isn't she? Figuratively, I mean."

Titus smiled a little, "She'll just be happy you're alive. There's no need for you to be worried. In fact…"

"What?" Lexa asked, curiosity shining in her eyes.

"Lincoln isn't the only healer's apprentice here," Titus admitted, with a smile.

Lexa grinned merrily. So it was true? She thought Lincoln was winding her up. Costia… her Costia… she was training to be a healer… here… at the tower!

Titus straightened out her arm carefully, earning a wince from the young girl.

"It only needs a light splint," he told her, "It should grow normally, there will be no lasting damage. As for your ribs, they will be painful for a few weeks. You will need to rest for the next two days. And I mean real rest, Lexa, no running around, and no fighting. You're very lucky you didn't wind up with a punctured lung."

Lexa grimaced at the idea. That would have been dreadful for Costia, this was bad enough. She felt guilty for making the young girl worry.

"Lexa! For goodness sake!" Lexa heard a familiar voice complain and turned to see Indra and Anya walking into the room. Anya did look worried and went to speak to Titus immediately upon seeing that her student was awake and coherent. Indra on the other hand looked ready to beat her to a pulp.

"I'm sorry," Lexa said, looking away quickly in guilt.

"At least you're not dead," Indra said, and Lexa couldn't help but smile a little.

Anya nodded, sharing the sentiment, "You need to rest, second. I'll be back later."

Lexa nodded, beginning to feel her pain catch up with her and wanting nothing more than to sleep. She felt her eyes begin to close, and at first resisted it, she wanted to be awake for when Costia returned. But she knew she'd be ok, Titus would wake her when Costia got back, and at that moment she was surrounded by the people who cared about her, maybe not loved, but at least cared about her, and that was all that mattered.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Clarke was enraged when she returned to Lexa's room. Could they not have waited? Couldn't they understand that now was just not the time?

She let out a loud sigh. Titus had been found out, somehow. Someone knew that he had been the one to shoot Lexa. He had been arrested, by…. well, Clarke hoped it was Indra and not some Ice Nation ambassador on a power trip. He would be standing trial. The ambassadors wanted him dead, Clarke wanted to wait, until Lexa was better and could give her verdict.

She had two days. Either they would receive Lexa's orders or they would kill the flame keeper.

But right now all Clarke could worry about was Lexa. Her mother would be here soon. Then she'd know if the surgery had been a success or not.

Clarke sat on the sofa, cradling her head in her hands and let out a tired sigh. Being a commander wasn't easy, she had no idea how Lexa managed it everyday, not just for one clan, but for thirteen.

Clarke placed a hand on the sofa and that was when she noticed the piece of paper. It was her drawing of Lexa, still not complete. She picked it up, smiling. It would make a good get well soon present. That was when she noticed the note on the following page, written in Lexa's handwriting.

 _I love it, Clarke. Please complete this soon._

Clarke smiled, wondering if there were any more notes left for her that she had missed.

A knock sounded at the door and she looked up to see her mother. Abby gave her a tired smile as Clarke rushed to her, and hugged her.

"She's going to be ok," her mom told her, "The operation was complicated but her prognosis is good. I was able to remove the bullet but… the surgery was invasive. She'll take a while to recover fully."

Clarke nodded solemnly, before letting tears fall down her cheeks, "Can I see her, mom?"

Abby nodded, "She was just waking up when I left her."

Clarke smiled, sobbing a little. Lexa, her Lexa, she was going to be ok, and it made everything else in world… Every other impossibility. It made all of that seem manageable, because she knew she was not going to be facing it alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa could remember the day of the her conclave very clearly.

She'd been waiting for Anya to return from a battle with Ice Nation. Battles between Trikru and Ice Nation were common and Anya had been away before to help her clansmen. Lexa had wanted to join her but as nightblida she had training to attend and her life was considered too precious to waste on a simple battle between the clans.

Still, this wasn't just any battle. The tension between the clans had been bad enough for the commander to step in and fight. Lexa felt nervous as she watched from the window in her room. The warriors were returning, some of them in a bad way, limping and bleeding. Every now and then a stretcher would go past carrying a dead warrior shrouded in a white cloth, as was the grounder custom. She looked for Anya and Indra and noticed them towards the back of the procession- they looked uninjured but Lexa could tell from the way they carried themselves that they were far from happy.

They had lost the battle, Lexa concluded glumly, wondering what that would mean for Ice Nation. Whilst the commander had authority over the twelve clans her rules were not always universally honoured. One of the first things Lexa aimed to do if she became commander was to negotiate a treaty with Ice Nation, to bring them under control.

Lexa turned away from the window and gathered her bag from her desk, before grabbing her switchblade. Swords were nice but they were heavy, Lexa found switchblades far more convenient for every day use. In a life or death situation anything could be used as a weapon anyway, Lexa reminded herself, it was not like she was vulnerable.

Lexa looked at herself in the mirror quickly before making to leave the room. It was a new habit of hers, one that she didn't quite understand. Until quite recently she'd seen nothing wrong with throwing on a basic nightblida garb and rushing to training with her hair in messy simple braids. But now- now she took her time. Now she wore make-up, even war paint occasionally. Her simple braids had been replaced by an intricate web of braids that finally managed to control her wild wavy hair. Maybe she was leaving childhood behind, Lexa concluded, not that she'd had much of a childhood anyway.

It was one of the few things she disliked about being a nightblida. The fact that they were taken as toddlers and raised up away from their parents. Anya hadn't been loving but she had been caring in her own way. Lexa supposed Titus was the closest thing to her father- although some of his lessons were questionable. Was love really weakness?

Lexa didn't know about all of that. She thought of Costia. She'd known for quite some time now that she loved her. And not just in the way friends did. At first it had taken Lexa by surprise, and fearing something was wrong with her she had tentatively asked Anya for reassurance. Her mentor's reply had been surprisingly warm- she'd told Lexa that was ok, that it was perfectly normal for her to have romantic feelings for Costia, but she echoed Titus's sentiments. Loving Costia was likely to get the both of them killed.

In a way this made Lexa only more defiant, and a better fighter. If love really did weaken people then she could solve that by being stronger and training harder. She would be strong enough for both her and Costia. She'd prove Titus and Anya and the other grounders wrong.

Lexa looked forward to seeing Costia after training that day. Costia had been ill recently, the sickness seemed to be lingering. Lexa was worried, although Costia had given her no indication that anything was wrong, Lexa could tell she was far from ok. She was tired all the time, pale and had fainting spells. That last detail had frightened Lexa the most. What if Costia had fallen and injured her? Lexa couldn't wait until she was eighteen. At eighteen she'd leave Anya's apartment and be given her own in the tower. She would still have to attend basic training but it would be up to her when and how often she did weapons training or attended council meetings. As a nightblida she wouldn't have to take part in menial work. Her days would be largely free. And that would mean more time with Costia.

But all that was put on hold the minute Anya walked into their apartment, looking weary and stressed.

"Lexa," she said breathlessly without pre-amble, "Leave your things. You've been summoned to the council room. Heda is dead. Today is your conclave."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa was still very drowsy when Clarke entered the room. It appeared the anaesthesia was taking a while to wear off. Clarke felt herself panic as she saw Lexa lying still under a thick layer of furs. What if sedatives interacted badly with nightblood? She rushed to her side and was comforted a little by the sight of Lexa trying to fight off the medicines.

She looks so much better already, Clarke thought in surprise as Lexa fidgeted a little. Her colour had returned, her eyes seemed brighter and she didn't wince when she moved. Clarke knew it would be a long time before Lexa was back to her usual self, and she'd not a lot of help from her, but at least she would recover now. And there would be plenty of people willing to help her.

Clarke stroked Lexa's hair carefully. When she'd left it had been loose, hanging in soft waves, but now it was braided and someone had clearly washed it as Clarke could detect the familiar scent of the rosemary and lemon shampoo that Lexa used. In that moment Clarke felt envious. How was it possible that despite being shot and inches away from death, and battling possible septicaemia for two days, Lexa could be so perfect? Yet whenever Clarke had been injured, even in the most mundane of ways, she was a mess for weeks afterwards with cuts and bruises everywhere.

Lexa looked up at Clarke with an uncertain smile and blinked several times. Clarke desperately wished that she wouldn't mistake her for Costia again. Clarke returned Lexa's smile as the steely eyes settled on her own.

"My Clarke," Lexa said, "My lion."

Clarke frowned, "Your lion?"

Lexa nodded, "Yep, the lion to my raccoon."

Clarke smiled and laughed despite herself. Who knew that sedatives could turn Lexa from a steadfast commander into little better than a rambling drunkard.

"I like your laugh," Lexa said, "I never thought I would get to hear you laugh. I thought I was going to…"

"Hey," Clarke said, placing a hand on Lexa's cheek, "You're fine. You're going to be ok. You're safe now. That spirit of yours isn't going anywhere."

Lexa smiled, before growing contemplative. Clarke worried, Lexa would still be tired from the sedative, what if she wanted to sleep? Lexa wasn't the sort to tell you if she was feeling sick or tired.

"I saw them," Lexa said, "Costia, Lincoln, Titus, Anya… I saw my childhood. I never noticed before… just how much they shaped me into the person I am. Costia for the good, of course. But Titus. He told me that love was weakness. He told me that since I was a young child. I can't help but wonder… we do make our own choices, and we are responsible for them…. but I wonder, if I hadn't heard that so often as a child. Maybe I wouldn't have done all those terrible things. Making you kill Finn, not warning the villagers in TonDC. Leaving you at Mount Weather to fight alone. I've been trying to make things right… I just wonder if it's too late for me."

Clarke shock her head, "No, no it's never too late. What Titus and Anya taught you- that was wrong. Love isn't weakness. Think about it, Lexa. It was my mom who saved you. It was my connection with you that kept you alive. And I bet Costia helped you too."

Lexa smiled, "Yes, she did. I was so terrified before my conclave, but she visited me during the funeral rites. She gave me a necklace, for good luck. I wore it every day after that. Until…. until she died. Titus had me destroy it. He told me that holding on to it, holding on to her would only weaken me. I believed him. I suppose- because he's the closest thing I have to a father."

"Titus isn't someone worthy of being a father," Clarke said venemously, recalling the sound of the shot coming from the gun. The look of unashamed righteousness of his face.

"No, he isn't," Lexa agreed, "But he was trapped by duty just as much as I was. He couldn't help it. He knew that he needed to make me a strong leader. That having strong emotions would cloud my judgement."

Clarke shook her head, "Love makes you a better leader, Lexa. How can you be a good leader if you don't feel anything for your people? You wouldn't even care to rule them properly. Yes, strong emotions can cloud judgement, but you're the last person I'd expect to have that sort of issue. You're a pragmatist."

Lexa sighed, "Maybe. Or maybe I was just raised that way. I can't help but wonder what I would be like, if I'd been raised as a simple Trikru farmer's daughter. Being Heda, it demands you give your life to your people. But not just your freedoms, not just your choices. But you, as a person, you have to become someone else. The truth is Clarke, I'm not sure I want to be that someone else anymore. Because being me, being me is what brought you back to me, after all the times that I let you down. Allowing myself that, allowing myself to love again… I suppose the weirdest thing is that I don't really know who I am, truthfully. But you help me find her, Clarke, you really do."

Clarke let out a sad smile, taking Lexa's hand in hers. She'd never expected to have this sort of a conversation with Lexa. It confused her and excited her at the same time. Maybe it was just the drugs making Lexa talk so openly, but Clarke knew that no matter what the cause that all of this had existed deep down within Lexa for so long. And Clarke suspected that a stronger part of Lexa, her warrior part would have overcome the drugs to keep this silent… if it weren't for the fact that Lexa felt comfortable telling her all of this.

Still it was a lot to process. Lexa had been through so much, Clarke thought, and not all of it was immediately obvious. If anyone on the Arc had treated their child the way Titus treated Lexa they'd be called an abuser. No one in their sane mind would ever tell a child that love is weakness. Would ever invalidate their emotions. But here, here the rules were different, still, that didn't make them acceptable, no matter what justification. The ends didn't justify the means, especially when innocent children were destroyed in the process. In Clarke's mind there was need for that lesson, there was no need for the nightbloods to fight to the death, and Lexa knew this too. She just felt guilty because these perpetrators were her people and been taught to take responsibility for their guilt.

I bear it so they don't have to, Clarke thought to herself. That may as well be their motto.

"Does the council know? About Titus?" Lexa asked tentatively.

Clarke nodded, letting out a sigh, "Yes, somehow. I tried to keep it covered up. Until you were better. They gave us two days Lexa. If we don't reach a decision in two days, they'll kill him."

Lexa nodded contemplatively.

"I didn't want to bring this to you now," Clarke said apologetically, "I swore I'd take care of things. But I've made a mess of them. First Titus. And I'm supposed to be tutoring the nightbloods too."

Lexa smiled, "You're doing fine, Clarke. Not that it's your responsibility anyway. I'll make a decision on Titus. Aden is a good big brother to them, they will learn well until I'm recovered. The generals will step in too, but I'll call for Indra anyway. She'll help them train."

"You love them," Clarke said, "Don't you?"

Lexa nodded, a look of sadness in her eyes, "I do. I know I'm only twenty-two, but they are my children, Clarke. Ok, maybe not Aden, he's more like a younger brother. But the little ones, some of them are only five and six. They still need a mother. I try to do what I can. But Titus thinks I shouldn't. He thinks it's silly for me to read to them, or to be there for them when they have nightmares. But… but he doesn't understand what I plan."

"What do you plan?" Clarke asked, intrigued.

"Fight to the surrender," Lexa began, "I want to stop the nightbloods fighting to the death. Instead they'll fight until they yield. It seems senseless- you train up seven or however many warriors. Give them the best training in the whole of the clan lands, only to have them kill each other. How much good could they do if they worked together? How much help could they provide to the people? They would be the strongest protectors. Titus would call me naive though. He'd say there were no guarantees that they'd work together, but I don't know, Clarke. I know my children, they're a kind lot, they're not like Ontari. I made them swear to honour the coalition of the thirteenth clan if anything were to happen to me. They didn't even need persuading. If the thirteen clans could be united, well, surely a few impressionable children…"

Clarke smiled, "Well Arkadia totally supports you."

Lexa smiled, before becoming sad again, "Thank you, Clarke. Unfortunately I'm not sure that many of the other clans will support my motion. Titus says that most think the nightbloods should fight to the death because it gives them the motivation to train hard. But strong leaders, I think strong leaders should do it out of choice. It helps them make better decisions. It's hypocritical I think, for Titus and the others to expect a commander to be above their emotions when they've trained them to live in fear of the death for so long. When they've used fear as a motivator."

Clarke nodded, "And when that fear is gone, what are they left with?"

"This mess," Lexa said, pointing to herself.

Clarke shook her head, "No, Lexa. You're perfect. You're just doing the best you can with what you have. People might want or expect more but they're just going to have to deal with it because no one can give them everything they want. Nor should they. I've been told many times that I'm a shitty leader, but that's always been by people who never wanted to be a leader themselves. They have to deal with the fact that they chose me by default. That I chose to become a leader so that they could live comfortably."

Lexa nodded, "Life has been unfair to us both, Clarke. But I wonder whether we would have found a similar path anyway. No matter the circumstances. Maybe it is our fate."

"Screw fate," Clarke replied, "I'm writing my own damn story."

Lexa smiled, "That's why I…"

Clarke took Lexa's hands in her own, squeezing them gently.

"That's why I love you," Lexa told her, "I love you, my lion."

Clarke grinned, "Love you too, my raccoon."

Lexa let out a sound that Clarke could have sworn was a laugh. She was shocked and it suddenly dawned on her just how little time she and Lexa had to be young women. The fact that three months had passed since their first meeting and neither one of them had laughed in that time. She'd set that right. They needed time for themselves.

Lexa yawned a little, "Tell your mom thank you."

"I will," Clarke said, before kissing Lexa's forehead, "Now you get some sleep, yes?"

"I've decided about Titus," Lexa said, her eyes growing heavy, "He will not die. But he cannot be around the nightbloods. No, he must be exiled. Please tell the council."

"I will," Clarke said, "And I'll your children that you're fine now and that we'll start lessons later. Aden's been bugging me to tell him about the Arc."

Lexa smiled as her eyes closed, "Well, don't keep him waiting then."


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke looked down at the schedule in her hand with a look of shock and trepidation. She knew very little about Lexa's upbringing and most of the information she had learnt had come from the natblidas or one of Lexa's many handmaidens. She knew Lexa's education had covered the basics- reading, writing, maths, history, earth studies, diplomacy, strategy and combat- but it seemed Lexa had decided to expand the curriculum since becoming Heda. Clarke looked at the timetable with a shaky sigh- the natblidas were at breakfast now, but after that they'd have an hour of history, followed by an hour and a half's horse riding, then another hour of what was their version of earth studies. Then they would break for midday meal. After that they had double Trigedasleng followed by four hours of combat training. Clarke couldn't help but roll her eyes at the comment Lexa had written on the evening section- training is optional- she couldn't imagine any natblida choosing to do more study after a full ten or so hours of hard work.

Aden was the first to join her in the throne room and Clarke wasn't surprised. According to Lexa he was the most devoted of her natblidas, the most willing to please, and the most likely to become the next Heda. From Clarke's observations she was inclined to agree- Aden was respected amongst his fellow natblidas and though quiet they listened to what he said.

Clarke stood before them as the other natblidas followed her into the room and stood before her in a neat organised line. Each of them was well presented, more so than she would have expected for children. She found it unsettling, there was no noise from them, no fighting. They were like mini-adults. Every moment she spent with the natblidas reminded her that this had been Lexa's upbringing too, and that Lexa, just like these children, had been brutally robbed of her childhood and her innocence.

Clarke stood uncertainly, not knowing what to say. There were rules and protocols, she knew that, but there were too many of them to know all of them, and Lexa was still too sick to teach her everything. She'd have to wing it and hope that she didn't commit some great taboo- or at least, if she did, Aden would let her know before she was locked up or threatened at knife point.

"Sit, please," she told the natblidas, who regarded the chairs arranged in a semi-circle with an air of confusion.

"Wanheda," Aden said quietly, "We do not usually sit in equal position with our tutors. What I mean is- we usually sit on the floor and Heda usually sits on her throne. We would not normally sit all on chairs together."

Clarke smiled, "Thank you, Aden. It will be ok for you to sit in equal position today."

Aden nodded before muttering a few words of Trigedasleng to his classmates who all tentatively took a seat but didn't question it any further. It was when they were all seated that Clarke noticed the next thing that unnerved her- she thought it was just Lexa who had a steely and unwavering gaze- but no, it seemed all natblidas shared that trait. She hoped for a minute that just one of them would break their immense focus and gaze out of the window or something like that- something normal and child-like- because she was beginning to feel immensely self-conscious.

"I'm sure you're worried about Lexa," Clarke began nervously, "I mean, Heda. I just want you to know that she is doing well and intends to return to her duties as soon as possible. In the mean time Heda has asked me to help out with your lessons. I understand that your first lesson today is history. Heda asked me to teach you about Skaikru and my life on the Ark."

Clarke looked around the room, expecting to need to give the students a few moments to gossip amongst themselves. Certainly if the roles had been reversed, if it had been Arkadian teenagers given a lesson on the grounder culture, she would have expected whispering and curious looks. The natblidas remained silent however, although she could detect excitement in the eyes of the younger ones.

"Well," Clarke began, "I'm sure you know that roughly a century ago the Earth was almost destroyed by a nuclear apocalypse. To the best of my knowledge humans split into two groups- the ones who stayed and the ones who went to live on the Ark. The ones who stayed were the grounders and the mountain men. The ones who went to the Ark, travelled into space- there were thirteen stations originally but something happened, one of the stations didn't want to join us, so for most of the past century there were the twelve stations- each dedicated to one resource that would help us survive- agriculture, medicine, government etc. The Ark was supposed to survive for two hundred years, but my father, he found a flaw in the oxygen system. There wasn't enough air for everyone. Eventually the council decided to seperate the twelve stations and bring them to Earth. But that was only after a hundred of us were sent to Earth to see if was survivable.

"Life on the Ark was very different from life on the ground. For example, our leaders were chosen by voting. Each individual over eighteen was given a chance to vote for who they thought would make the best leader. Parents were only allowed to have one child, because there weren't enough resources to support a large population.

"Still, we did have some traditions in common with yours. On the Ark, all crimes were punishable by death- floating, being released into space. Children who were charged were imprisoned until they were eighteen, and if they were lucky they'd get a retrial and possibly be cleared of their crimes. The one hundred- they were prisoners, sent to the ground to see if it was survivable. Most of us were non-violent criminals. I was arrested for helping my father stand up to the council. He wanted to tell the people about the damaged oxygen system but the council worried that it would start riots.

"Life on the Ark wasn't easy, but it could still be enjoyable. We had Unity Days, a bit like your Ascension Days. We'd gather together to remember the day the Ark stations joined together. And there were clubs too- groups of people who gathered together to play games, like chess. I'll explain what that is later. My friend, Wells, and I, we used to play chess. And we'd watch football too- it's a game where people kick a ball around a field trying to score the most points. And we'd watch it on televisions, which I guess are like giant tapestries only the pictures move and show the events that occured."

Clarke paused hoping that natblidas weren't too confused. It became clear that most of them were. The young natblidas shared puzzled looks as they tried to understand the words chess, television and football. Aden however, although slightly confused, seemed to be able to visualise the general ideas. No wonder the older grounders felt threatened by Arkadia, Clarke concluded, they would attack any unknown, and the Ark was the weirdest of all the weird things they had ever encountered.

"I have an idea," Clarke said, suddenly inspired. She walked towards the doors, the natblidas curious eyes following her as she spoke to guard, "I need a ball."

The guard frowned at her, before speaking to his partner in Trigedasleng and disappearing off down a flight of stairs. Clarke had to assume that he knew what she meant. She then walked to one of the many candle stands in the room. Yes, they would work, she thought to herself.

"No!" Aden said, as Clarke reached for one of the candles, "I'm sorry, Wanheda, but those are Lexa's candles. They are not to be touched by anyone other than Heda or a small group of specifically chosen servants."

Clarke nodded, "Thank you, Aden. I guess we could use the chairs instead. I need four of them arranged into a large square, ok?"

Aden nodded, before setting the natblidas to the task. Clarke tried to hide the smirk on her face. Lexa's candles… she would have to ask her about it later… but she'd never expected the commander to be so obsessed with something like candles. Especially not to the point where she'd enshrined it into the grounder laws.

The natblidas looked at her expectantly before there was a knock at the door. Clarke walked towards it, and noticed the guard, holding a ball tentatively between his hands.

"Heda would not approve of this," he told her in Trigedasleng.

"Let me deal with Heda," Clarke said, taking the ball from him.

"Ok, we're going to play football," Clarke said, turning back to her students, "We need two teams of four. Who wants to be a leader?"

The natblidas all frowned at each other. Clarke sighed, of all the dumb questions…. they all wanted to be the leader, that was what they had raised to be since toddler-hood.

"Ok," Clarke said, before turning to Aden, "What do you usually do when you need to seperate into teams for fighting?"

Aden smiled, "It's ok, Wanheda, I'll deal with it."

Aden said a few words in Trigedasleng and the natblidas talked amongst themselves, still in a way that screamed of orderliness. Eventually two individuals stepped forward- Aden, and a girl who was no older than eight but had a fiery look in her eyes that reminded her too much of Lexa.

"Ok," Clarke said, "The rules of the game are simple. Each team had a goal- that's the space between the two chairs. If you kick the ball into that space, then you win a point. The team with the most points at the end is the winner. Ok, let's pick teams. Aden?"

Aden nodded, before the nightblidas arranged themselves into two groups. They were well balanced, Clarke thought, with the youngest divided equally amongst the groups.

"We've decided that it should be best if you join Ashya's team, Wanheda," Aden said, "If you wish to. It's just, she has the youngest two."

Clarke smiled, before joining them. Hopefully the difficult part would be over soon. Nightbloods were naturally competitive, and as soon as the game started she hoped they would see that it required just as much knowledge of strategy as their combat training. Aden and Ashya moved towards the middle and Clarke placed the ball in the centre of the square, the remainder of their teams arranging themselves in different positions in their particular half of the square. Aden and Ashya shook hands and said a few words in Trigedasleng- a gesture that took Clarke by surprise. She'd forgotten that it was a common feature of Arkadian football games too.

But Clarke didn't have much of a chance to be surprised because the game had started without any warning and the natblidas were fast. Aden had chosen for her to be on the other team because he'd thought that the legendary Wanheda would be the strongest out of all of them, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that Clarke was in fact probably the weakest of all of them. Even the little five and six year olds had enough knowledge of strategy and fast enough reaction speeds to keep up with the older natblidas. Whilst Clarke had watched football, she'd not gotten a whole lot of exercise on the Ark, and nowhere near the level of training a natblida received. She couldn't shake the feeling she was letting her team down.

It took a long time for the first goal to be scored, but it was Aden's team who scored it. The teams were too evenly matched Clarke thought, except for her, and Aden, although respectful of his teachers, was not the sort of student who was ashamed to excel even his tutors' high standards. She hadn't been defending the goal closely enough and he'd taken that opportunity. Fortunately, no one on her team blamed her, instead they hardened their resolve, determined to win. That feeling was catching, and although Clarke was no natblida, she was beginning to feel like one of them.

Even though the game was still serious in the children's eyes, a test of their strategy and defence/ attack skills, Clarke still caught the odd smile and heard a few of them laughing every now and them. It was refreshing for her. To finally see them acting like normal children. She would love to teach them art, or even a few of the Unity Day songs… she'd have to talk to Lexa about it later.

Lexa.

Clarke heard the door swing open and froze. Lexa stood there, eyes wide with shock and the natblidas quickly stopped their game, forming a neat line facing the commander. Clarke felt her heart race, and not just because of the game, she felt afraid. She couldn't tell from Lexa's expression if she approved of her lesson or not… after all natblida training was a very serious affair and the children had very little time for fun and games.

That wasn't the only thing that made Clarke's heart race though. It had only been two days, well not even that, since the surgery. Lexa shouldn't have even been able to get up. Yet here she was dressed in full commander's armour, even war paint, looking stunning. Clarke wanted nothing more than to race to her side and make her go back to bed, but she knew she'd never embarrass Lexa like that. She just had to hope that the commander wasn't being stubborn and would let Clarke help if something was wrong.

"What is this?" Lexa asked, picking up the ball and looking at it curiously.

"Football," Clarke said, "An Ark game."

Lexa frowned.

"I was teaching them about our traditions," Clarke began, "But some are easier to show than to explain."

Lexa nodded, and Clarke was sure she saw her expression soften a little, "Good. Natblidas, the stable masters are ready for your horse riding lessons."

The natblidas nodded before forming an orderly line and leaving the room briskly. When they were out of earshot Clarke immediately went to Lexa's side, offering an arm to help her stand but Lexa brushed it away.

"I'm fine, Clarke," Lexa said, "Pain is nothing. I've experienced much worse than this."

"Oh, yeah, I guess getting speared is a weekly event for most grounders," Clarke said disbelievingly.

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke," Lexa said as she made her way to her throne, as she sat down Clarke was sure she could see relief pass over Lexa's face.

"Neither's refusing to be helped," Clarke replied, "Lexa, you are not ready to return to your every day duties. You need to rest."

Lexa shook her head, "I will be fine to attend council meetings. I'm waiting a few days with combat and horse riding, Clarke, usually I'd join the natblidas for their morning rides, train with them in the afternoons- unless I have council business to attend to, of course."

"Why do I get the feeling that today is a council day?" Clarke asked, less than pleased at the idea.

"Because you have a strong intuition, I'd assume," Lexa said, "Anyway, this was necessary. I'm calling the clans together today. To debate the change in conclave tradition. The one I discussed with you."

"Lexa, that meeting is not necessary," Clarke argued, "You could have that meeting any time."

"No, it is necessary," Lexa replied, her eyes wide with passion, "I nearly died four days ago. I could die at any moment. Plans need to be put in place now, and I need to be here to do that."

Clarke sighed, "But what if Ice Nation saw you were still injured, wouldn't that be dangerous?"

Lexa sighed, "Ice Nation already knows what has passed here. The very fact that I'm already recovered enough to attend meetings should be enough to stop them rising against me. I'm not going to back down, Clarke, I have to do what's right for my people."

"I am one of your people!" Clarke yelled, "And right now, I and everyone else wants you to rest."

"Do you have proof of that?" Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow, "When you speak for everyone else. A petition perhaps?"

"Lexa, for goodness sake!" Clarke said, walking swiftly towards the throne, "I'm saying this because I care about you! Because we all care about you! Because we'd all stop at nothing to keep you safe. And this-."

Clarke stopped, kissing Lexa passionately, "This is the proof that I care. Although you should know that I care already. So, please just let me help you."

Lexa bit her lip, her eyes leaving Clarke's for the briefest moment, "Ok, I'll keep the meeting as short as I can. Then I promise I'll rest for the remainder of the day."

"Thank you," Clarke said.

"So long as you teach me football," Lexa said.

Clarke grinned, "Ok, Heda. Whatever you want."

Lexa's arms wrapped around Clarke's waist pulling her closer. Clarke grinned as her own hands reached to tangled themselves in Lexa's hair. The commander looked up at her adoringly before leaning in carefully to kiss her. Clarke knew that making out in the throne room was probably inadvisable. But that didn't mean she cared.

Lexa's hands traced along her back and Clarke repeated her gesture, imagining in her mind where the tattoo on Lexa's back would be and tracing it with her fingers. She felt Lexa's smile against her lips and that made Clarke smile too.

Soon Clarke was placing her hands under Lexa's tunic and she could feel Lexa touch her where her shirt exposed the small of her back. The outside world was growing further and further away, their worries and pain travelling away with it, until it was just them….

And Roan.

The king cleared his throat causing Clarke to stumble off of Lexa and face him with a pale and embarrassed face.

"Heda," King Roan said respectfully and Clarke noticed that Lexa too was struggling to remain composed.

"King Roan of Azgeda," Lexa returned, "You are early. Please go to the waiting room. I will call for you and the other ambassadors soon. I am sure I do not need to remind of the penalty of revealing a Heda's secret affairs to the general public."

"Of course not," King Roan said before bowing his head, "Heda."

Clarke watched as Roan took his leave before turning to Lexa, who gave her an embarrassed look, colour flooded into her cheeks.

"I guess I was wrong," Clarke said, "You do seem well enough to handle things here."

Lexa smiled, "Yes, I think everything will be just fine."


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa could always remember the screams. Nightbloods had been told showing pain meant you were weak, however there was very little that stop them from screaming out when they were struck down and inches from death.

She stood in the entryway- the last to be called to conclave- aware of Costia's gift hanging around her neck. The necklace was beautiful- a braided chain with a flame pendant. Lexa wrapped her hand around it, praying hard that it might protect her.

Today was the first day of the conclave. Conclaves were usually split over two or even three days- depending on what the flame keeper decided was appropriate. By the end of the day there would be only three or four nightbloods left. Lexa took in a shaky breath. She had to hope she'd be one of them.

The horn sounded loudly and there was a jeer from the surrounding crowd. Lexa raced out into the clearing, but unlike the others she didn't scream as she ran. In the distance, she noticed the bodies of two of the nightbloods- a female one of around seventeen and a male one of around twenty. The eldest of the nightbloods- Garon, who was twenty-three- was the first to notice her. Good, Lexa thought to herself, she'd made sure to train often with Garon, and she'd always played her cards right to appear weak in front of him.

"Yo gonplei ste odon, Lexa kom Trikru," Garon announced as he swung his staff in Lexa's direction. Lexa quickly backflipped out of the way, keeping her sword in her hand and using the momentum of the move to position herself into a better fighting stance. Seconds later the blade of her sword clanged down on Garon's staff with an incredible force that rang through the stadium.

Garon seemed a little phased, Lexa thought, and a little breathless. She immediately knew that he'd been the one who killed Kora and Soren. Lexa took comfort in that knowledge, he was tired, Kora and Soren were skilled warriors. He would underestimate her. She had to believed that.

Garon was quick to respond to Lexa's attack however, he twisted the end of his staff to try to collide with Lexa's ribs but she dodged quickly, sliding her sword up into the unprotected area of his chest and landing a blow between his ribs.

Garon's face showed that he's registered the pain and black blood poured down his garb and armour in a quick stream. Lexa hadn't thought she'd cut that deep.

Now, Garon was going to make her pay. He was like a monster. But a desperate monster. The pain was clouding his judgement and the movement of his staff was erratic and unpredictable. Lexa was quick on her feet, and agile, and her low muscle tone and shorter stature helped her immensely. Whilst Garon was a lumbering bag of muscle and slowed down because of that, Lexa had far more options, not only could she run and dodge- but she could also climb.

She let Garon back her into the corner of the stadium, the man's facial expression filled with curiosity. Surely, she wasn't going to make it that easy?

When Garon was only a few yards from the corner, Lexa began to climb quickly, her sword still held in her hand. Soon she was a good ten or so feet above Garon and she knew what had to happen next. Without hesitation, she jumped landing on top of the eldest nightblood.

Garon fell back to the ground and Lexa wasted no time in dispatching him with a quick blow to the sternum. Garon feel back against the concrete, not even having the time to register his own death.

It was only after Garon uttered his final breath that Lexa noticed the dagger in her hip. It was pulsing black blood around it and Lexa looked sickened. There was no doubt that Garon had used the full length of that dagger.

Lexa cussed under her breath. Before she had even felt sorry for Garon for the briefest moments, he was her first kill after all, but now, now she was just enraged, the bloodlust rushing through her veins. There'd be time to deal emotionally later, right now she needed to survive, and needed to believe she could- even if she had a massive dagger stuck in her side.

Lexa pulled herself up wearily to her feet, and turned to see Luna. She noticed two other bodies- Garon, Kora, Soren, Erina, Marko- they were now all dead. It was just her, Luna, Christopher- Luna's brother- and Walton left.

Lexa cast her eyes around looking for Walton. He stared back up at her wearily from the ground, a massive spear sticking out of his abdomen. Yes, he was as good as dead.

Lexa turned back to Luna and that was when she noticed the young woman standing, with a sword pointed at the chest of her brother. Tears glistened in the Floukru girl's eyes and similar tears were running down Christopher's cheeks. It was rare that siblings were both nightbloods, and Lexa was glad for that, but it was far too late for the Floukru siblings.

Lexa knew what she should do, but she just couldn't. She stood, her vision growing fuzzier and fuzzier by the moment as the blood loss began to take its toll, and just looked on. Yes, she could probably rush Christopher and maybe even defeat him, he was the weaker of the two and had an annoying habit of leaving his right side undefended, but… but the moment between the siblings seemed oddly private and something she didn't feel she could intrude on. Not only that, the pragmatic side of Lexa's mind added as it managed to kick in, but those siblings would just partner up to kill Lexa, she knew that. Even if their sibling bond had been weakened by years of being told that love was weakness.

No, Lexa thought, as she allowed herself to drop to the ground, relatively unnoticed by Luna and Christopher, she would just play dead until they'd finished with each other. Then she'd jump up and take on the final nightblood. Yes, that would be the best option. They wouldn't doubt she was dead with a wound like hers. In fact, Lexa was wondering herself how she was still alive.

So, Lexa let herself rest on the ground, her eyes closing, waiting for that moment.

Only it never came.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

"Lexa!" a familiar voice yelled in panicked tones, "Lexa, wake up!"

Lexa blinked groggily, her eyes opening slowly, aware of a dull light somewhere above her. Well, Lexa realised as she took in the light above her and the severe throbbing at her side, this clearly wasn't the afterlife. Which meant that she wasn't dead, and that meant that the panicked voice belonged to…

"Costia," Lexa said tiredly, her throat dry, she looked up at the worried face of her dearest friend.

She looked so pale, Lexa noticed, and she'd lost weight too. She hadn't noticed it over the weeks, but now, now it was so obvious. Lexa placed a hand over Costia's own small thin one and gave her a reassuring smile.

Costia smiled at her sadly, "I saw you, Lexa. At the conclave. You were so brave, you fought so well. But… but you should have never attempted that jump…"

Lexa gave her a tiny smile, "It worked though."

Costia rolled her eyes, "You scared me."

Lexa's smile immediately disappeared, "I didn't mean to, Costia. I swear I didn't."

Costia nodded, reaching for the necklace that was still around Lexa's neck, "I know. You've only ever wanted to protect me. I ask too much of you. Your life- it doesn't make exceptions, you can't just avoid danger if you don't want to face it. I saw that today- you, Luna. Neither of you wanted to make those kills. Lexa, please, please promise me you'll change things if you can, when you become Heda, please, you can't put other nightbloods through this."

Lexa sighed, "Costia. It's not because I don't want things to change… I just don't think that the other clans would allow it."

"Lexa," Costia said, taking both of Lexa's hands, "Just promise me you'll try. When you become Heda, they'll listen to you."

Lexa sighed, "Ok. I swear I'll try. What happened, after I, passed out?"

Costia stared at the ground, and Lexa was sure she could see tears forming in the young girl's eyes, "I…I thought… I thought you'd died, Lexa. Walton too. But no, you both survived. Luna and Christopher. She killed him, she had to kill her own brother! And then… then Luna disappeared, we don't know where."

"She disappeared?" Lexa asked, intrigued. How on earth did Luna managed to get away? More importantly what did that mean? Would she forfeit her right to be the next commander? Would she be hunted down and suffer death by a thousand blades? And who would make that decision?

Costia nodded, and Lexa noticed the tears running down her face, "I thought it would all be over. But… but now they want you to fight Walton tomorrow and I know he's injured and you're technically less injured. But… I begged Titus, I begged him to get the generals and clan ambassadors to see sense…"

"Hey," Lexa said, wiping away Costia's tears, "It will all be ok. If Titus thinks I'm ready to fight then he'll let the second stage of the conclave go ahead."

Costia let out a shaky sob, "I wish you could run away too. I wish we could both run away."

"I know," Lexa said. _I wish we could both run away._ Lexa hoped she wasn't reading into anything but the look in Costia's eyes wasn't a look she associated with friendship. It was something… something more.

Costia let out another sob, "I can't lose you, Lexa. I can't. Titus…. I spoke to him…. He told me I should stay away from you… that I was a danger to you…. That meals out and visits and presents were one thing…. But that…. That love… love was wrong."

Lexa felt her face flush red. Love- so Costia did love her! But how dare Titus, her most trusted advisor, how dare he say that to Costia. Costia, who wasn't even a danger to an ant. Costia, who needed her protection, especially as her health appeared to be fading every day.

"I wanted to wait until after the conclave to tell you," Costia admitted, "But Titus wants to send me away."

Lexa felt her body fill with fury, as she pulled herself into a sitting position, the pain clouding her vision and turning it grey momentarily. She experimentally tried to place her feet on the ground and see how much wait they could take.

"Lexa, Lexa, no!" Costia yelled, panicked, as she moved to stand in front of Lexa, placing her hands either side of Lexa's body forcing the nightblood to remain seated on the bed, "You can't!"

"He can't say that to you!" Lexa yelled, "I won't allow it! I won't allow him to send you away!"

Costia shook her head, "It's no use. And I… I can't keep on working here… I'm too ill now. You'll still see me, Lexa, when you tour as Heda, and visit Trikru."

"No!" Lexa yelled, "I don't want to just see you once a year. When I become Heda, you will live with me, and I don't care what Titus or anyone has to say about that. And I'm going to make him aware of my plans, right now!"

"No, Lexa, please don't," Costia begged, "You need to rest. Lexa…"

Lexa leaned up, kissing Costia passionately. At first the girl was surprised, and Lexa could sense the weariness she'd been trying to hide from her. Yes, Lexa had been stabbed, but something was going on for Costia too, something that was almost on the same level. And Titus should have fixed it! Lexa yelled mentally.

But still she didn't want to think of her mentors or anyone at that moment because she just wanted fill her mind with Costia. With her sweet scent, with the way that her delicate hands rested on Lexa's shoulders, with the way the young girl relaxed in her arms.

"Lexa, we shouldn't," Costia murmured, "It's not that I don't want to…"

"When I came to the capital they told me I'd want for nothing," Lexa told her, "They shouldn't have made that promise if they didn't intend to fulfil it."

Costia grinned, before kissing Lexa and this time it was even more tender, because whilst Lexa was a warrior, used to showing her passion through force and fire, Costia was more like water, gentle and calming, but still with the same intensity, and Lexa felt at ease in her embrace until…

Rough hands pulled Costia away from her and the girl let out a yell of surprise.

Lexa opened her eyes to see Titus holding Costia tightly by the arm, in a way that caused her severe pain. Lexa immediately jumped up from the bed, racing towards him as quickly as she could, ignoring the searing pain and the tug of the stitches. Titus gave her a horrified look.

"Don't you see, nightblida? Don't you see the weakness she is already inflicting on you?" Titus asked angrily, "You should be resting, instead you are risking your ability to perform well in the conclave by attempting to-"

"Shut up, Titus!" Lexa yelled, using her knowledge of martial arts to break Titus's grip on Costia, who immediately darted behind Lexa, "Don't you dare ever put a hand on Costia again!"

"Love is weakness, Lexa," Titus yelled, "She will be the death of you!"

"No, you might think that," Lexa replied passionately, "But I will prove you wrong! I will show you that love is never weakness!"

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

"Lexa," a voice said, and she felt someone shake her shoulder gently, "Lexa, they are here."

Lexa blinked, allowing her memories of her conclave to fade away and giving Clarke a tiny smile.

"I talked to Roan," Clarke said, and Lexa could tell that she was blushing just a little, "He won't say anything. I promise. I told him you'd run him through if he even tried."

"Good," Lexa said, "Because that is the truth."

Clarke grinned.

"Heda!" one of the guards yelled in Trigedasleng, "Should we allow them in?"

Lexa nodded, before replying in the same language, "Yes, let them enter."

Clarke took her place down in the circle of ambassadors and Lexa felt a pang in her heart as she saw Clarke take her seat amongst the members who were now flooding into the room. Lexa couldn't help but feel that Clarke didn't belong there, that she belonged with her, by her side, right next to her. But it would look bad in the eyes of the other clans if she was seen to favour Skirkru too much- if they knew she was dating the ambassador…

King Roan was the last to take his seat and she noticed Ontari trailing behind him, head held high, arrogance dripping from her shoulders as if she were Heda, and not Lexa. How Lexa wished that she could force the girl to train in Polis, then she and Aden would get an opportunity to knock her down a few pegs. Even if she won the conclave, no one would respect a leader like her, she wouldn't last long, and she needed stability, and someone to carry on her reforms. Ontari would never do that.

"I hope you don't mind me bringing our natblida," King Roan said, "I just feel that she ought to attend this meeting, considering it concerns her and her kind."

Lexa gave a polite nod.

"I think we ought to be considering our situation with Arkadia," another ambassador said, "They cannot be trusted, Heda. The man known as Pike, he is volatile…"

"He is being dealt with," Lexa reassured him, "Or do you not trust me to make the right decision in that case?"

The ambassador quickly shook his head, likely recalling the last person who had questioned her authority in the council room.

"We are gathered here today to discuss a change in the ascension laws," Lexa began, standing up, noticing that the pain in abdomen had increased in severity from earlier that day, but dismissing it, "As you all well know, during the conclave nightbloods must fight to the death until there is one Heda. I feel that this is wasteful- and especially with the current situation with Skikru we need as many warriors as possible. With the nightbloods no cost is spared with regards to their training- they would make excellent region guardians. What I propose instead is that the conclave rules be changed- so instead of being a fight to the death, it is a fight to the surrender. The last to give up, will become the next Heda."

A loud chorus of protests erupted from the ambassadors and generals in the room and Lexa listened closely. Most of them were calling her soft, saying she was a disgrace to her lineage, some even blamed Clarke, saying Skirkru had manipulated her into making a weak decision. But out of the all, the one she worried about most was Ontari, who stared at her with a look of disgust her eyes never losing their steely focus.

"The nightbloods must fight to the death," the Floukru ambassador said, "It is the only way to ensure that they train hard and take their fighting serious. Next you will be telling me they should still see their parents, play with toys, have a normal happy little childhood. Their nightblood makes them different, Heda, they are not simple children. They share the blood of the first Heda, they are closer to gods than children, and must be treated as such."

"No, I agree with Heda," another ambassador said, "The threat from Arkadia is too much to allow us to lose warriors to ceremony and tradition, we must adapt- to survive. Our entire civilisation is forged on survival, doing what is necessary. We need to adapt or we will die!"

"I agree," Clarke said taking a stand, and Lexa wished she could stand with her, or show some sign of her affection for her, but she knew it would too dangerous, "I understand that your traditions are important…"

"You understand nothing, you are Skikru," the Floukru ambassador replied.

"Shop of!" Lexa yelled, "Clarke kom Skikru, please continue."

Clarke let out a tiny smile, which fortunately only Lexa noticed, "But the nightbloods are the best trained of all of us. Tell me, would you kill your best generals, for nothing more than a ceremony? There will always be a threat to your survival, be that the mountain men, the reapers, or even… my people. If you want to survive then you need to protect the strongest of you. Imagine what your life would be like if you had nine Lexas instead of one. How much better off you would be, how much better protected. You have that option."

"One's too many, in my opinion," Ontari said as she walked towards Lexa.

Lexa gave her an incensed look, the girl had just committed treason, nightblood or not she would be punished.

"I challenge you, Lexa kom Trikru," Ontari announced, "If I win, your motion will not pass. If you win, you can have your vote. But understand this, if you win, you will dirty our traditions and you will never be a true Heda in the eyes of your people!"

Lexa put up a hand to stop the girl, before moving closer to her, her eyes fixed on Ontari's dark ones, "You will have your challenge, but with one alteration, if I win, you will never compete in the conclave. Your first oath as a nightblida is to honour and protect your Heda. Your words now show that you do not take your oaths seriously, we have no room in our society for a Heda who does not take her calling seriously and cannot honour a simple oath."

Ontari didn't waver, "And we have no room in our society for a weakling like you."


	8. Chapter 8

"Did you really have to agree to a challenge?" Clarke asked, passionately enraged, "And tomorrow, as well? Lexa…"

Lexa looked up at Clarke with tired eyes. They had been having this conversation for a good few hours. Lexa would state her point- that it was important to honour tradition and that she wasn't in any real pain, but Clarke, Clarke wasn't having any of it, of course. She wanted Lexa to rest. In fact, she wanted her to stay in bed for at least another three days without any meetings whatsoever. Lexa knew that was the Skikru way, and that Clarke was right when she mentioned that grounder healers knew nothing about gunshot wounds, but still, three whole days was far too long for a Heda to be out of action. And her strength was in question again- proposing the change to conclave rules had made her look weak in the eyes of the ambassadors. A good victory against Ontari would help win favour from them, showing that she wasn't making this decision out of sentimentality or weakness or coercion from Clarke.

"Lexa? Are you even listening to me?" Clarke continued, snapping Lexa out of her thoughts, "Did you really have to agree to the challenge?"

"Yes," Lexa replied simply. She didn't add the part about backing out being seen as a form of cowardice and weakness and the fact that she'd be killed by a thousand blades by whoever became the next commander. No- she knew Clarke understood that. But she also knew that the heart and the head acted in very opposite ways. So, whilst Clarke's mind understood her logic, her heart couldn't even begin to contemplate it.

Clarke gave out an exhausted sigh before climbing into bed next to Lexa.

"I just wish we could have just one day when your life isn't in danger," Clarke complained as she rested her head on Lexa's shoulder.

"I know," Lexa added, letting out a heavy sigh, feeling her stomach hurt with the deep breath. She noticed the look on Clarke's face- yes, she really did see right through her and notice everything.

"Today, earlier," Clarke began, "When you stood up to face Ontari, your stomach was hurting then, wasn't it?"

Lexa nodded and Clarke moved so that she was sitting up next to the commander. Lexa had opted for something far less showy than her usual black nightgown and glitter, instead wearing a loose black tunic top that came down to her knees. She lay still as Clarke pulled her top up to show the wound.

It was bandaged with several layers of cloth but that was just to stop the stitches being pulled or her clothes irritating the injury. Clarke carefully peeled away the bandages until the wound was visible.

"Is it?" Lexa asked, "Is it infected?"

Clarke scrutinised the injury with an intensity that Lexa found adorable. She knew that looking after and healing others was Clarke's passion. She couldn't help but smile a little.

"No," Clarke replied, "It's warm but not infected. Just very inflamed. Which is why you should rest."

Lexa nodded, "Ok, I promise to rest tomorrow after the fight with Ontari. I will need to do a couple of hours pre-fight training however- nothing too strenuous. It's just I've not been fighting for a while so I'm a little out of condition."

"You haven't been training for three days," Clarke told her.

"Exactly," Lexa said, "The last time I've gone this long without training was when I was two."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Ok, you can train, so long as it isn't anything too strenuous and you don't tire yourself out too much. But I want you to rest properly after that, ok?"

Lexa nodded, giving her a rare beaming smile, "You worry too much, Clarke."

"I need to worry," Clarke said, "A lot of people are expecting things from me and I have to make sure I'm making the right choices."

"That's what I used to think," Lexa said, "When I was starting out as Heda. Eventually you'll stop worrying about making mistakes and trust your intuition instead of driving yourself mad with thoughts of what might happen. Your people will follow you either way."

"I don't want people to follow me through blind faith," Clarke replied, "I want to be someone my people can trust to make the best decisions for them."

"You are," Lexa reassured her, "You have been leading them since you set foot on the ground. You were the one who liasoned with the Ark, told them it was safe to come here. Whenever there has been a crisis your people have turned to you for advice- no matter who the chancellor was at the time. You should stop worrying, your people are already loyal to you."

"They're becoming more loyal to Pike," Clarke replied, "And you know what he thinks about your people."

Lexa nodded contemplatively. Yes, Pike was still a threat. And one she couldn't leave alone that much longer. There had been a blockade around Arkadia, Lexa recalled, no one from Skikru could enter the lands of the twelve clans. That had come into force the day she'd been shot. But she knew it was only a temporary solution. If Pike didn't give up then she'd be forced to make him back down. Even if she'd now promised Clarke that blood must not have blood.

"You should probably go back to Arkadia soon," Lexa mentioned glumly, "Your people need you. Pike… they need someone who reminds them of the importance of the coalition. Of how important it is for our people to work together."

Clarke shook her head, "No, Lexa. I need to stay here. With you."

"Clarke," Lexa said with a small smile, "I want you to stay too. But… we have our responsibilities to our people. I can't be selfish. And you don't need to worry about me. Indra will protect me, there are over two hundred generals in my personal guard alone."

"Why do you need two hundred generals for your personal guard?" Clarke asked, shocked

"For my safety, of course," Lexa replied, confused, "I'm Heda. I need to be protected at all times."

Clarke smiled, "And I'm assuming that if I go back to Arkadia then one of those many generals will be accompanying me again. Won't they?"

Lexa nodded and Clarke laughed a little. She'd thought that Clarke had never noticed, never paid attention to the fact that, from the first minute she'd met her, Lexa had always taken pains to ensure that Clarke was protected by her own personal bodyguard- usually one of her own generals. It was Lexa's way of showing that she loved Clarke- by ensuring that even if she couldn't be with her in person then at least she'd always be protected by her.

"It's the least I can do to protect you," Lexa replied, "You're important to me, Clarke. And to your people too. And the Skikru guard doesn't start training its seconds until they are eighteen. I would prefer you to have a guard who started training at ten."

Clarke raised her eyebrows, "Ten?"

"Yes, ten is actually quite late," Lexa continued nonchalantly, "Lincoln started training at six. Gustus was seven. Anya was five. She became a general a few months before I became her second. She would have been thirteen or so I think."

"She became a general at thirteen?" Clarke asked in shock and Lexa grinned. As the blonde girl's expression didn't change, Lexa's grin turned into a slight laugh.

"Clarke, I became Heda at thirteen," Lexa told her, "So Anya becoming a general at that age is nothing extraordinary. When do your chancellors assume power?"

"Well, there's a vote," Clarke said, "You know like when you're passing a new law and all the ambassadors have to say whether they agree or don't agree. Only it's everyone, everyone over the age of eighteen can vote. And anyone over the age of twenty-one can run for the position of chancellor."

"Run?" Lexa asked, "There's a physical component. As in a conclave?"

"No," Clarke replied, "Just the vote."

Lexa nodded in understanding, "Well that explains why Pike got in. Your version of democracy is lax."

Clarke raised her eyebrows, "Says the girl who got her title through reincarnation."

Lexa narrowed her eyes to form an expression that reminded her of angry raccoon, "Get out."

Clarke shook her head, grinning, as she climbed out of bed.

"No," Lexa said quickly. She hadn't meant that, she'd only been joking. Clarke really did have a point though about how ridiculous it was for her to be condemning Arkadia's politics when her people's system wasn't at all better.

Clarke raised an eyebrow, and smiled.

"Clarke, please," Lexa said, "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"I thought commanders were never supposed to beg," Clarke said playfully.

Lexa grimaced, "We don't. Usually…"

Clarke smiled, "Will a present make it all better?"

Lexa frowned, "Clarke?"

Clarke walked over to one of the tables in the room and carefully rummaged through the stack of books and weapons to find the present. Lexa watched in confusion, her mind racing, trying to guess what the present might be.

Maybe it's a candle, Lexa thought hopefully, she always needed more candles. Or a dagger- she'd had her eyes on a particularly sparkly one that she'd seen on sale at the market- it had been part of a matching pair, she'd been hoping to get them for her and Clarke.

But no, it wasn't a candle and it wasn't a dagger. Instead the present seemed to be wrapped in a parchment, which Lexa concluded must be some strange Skaikru tradition, and tied with ribbons. Lexa carefully took the present from Clarke and looked at it- not sure what to do next.

Clarke frowned for a moment before coming to her aid, "On the Ark, we wrap presents," she explained, "With papers. Usually it's sparkly, or brightly coloured, and has stars or hearts or something like that on it. And we tie the paper with ribbons."

Lexa stared at her in wonder, trying to imagine what the paper must have been like, what solstice celebrations must have been like. Did they have a feast too? Were they allowed the day off to explore the markets and stations? Did they have ceremonies where they recalled their fallen comrades?

Lexa began to carefully unwrap the present. She could see something made of wood and glass- a picture frame.

And it held a picture- one of Clarke's drawings. A picture of her.

"I love it," Lexa said, "Thank you, Clarke."

Clarke blushed a little, "I er…"

"You should draw something to celebrate the alliance of Skaikru with the twelve clans," Lexa suggested.

Clarke ponded that before nodding, "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea."

"It's beautiful," Lexa said, staring at the drawing in wonder. How was it possible to create art like that? How did Clarke make her drawings so life like?

"Of course, it is," Clarke said with a grin, "Because it's a drawing of you."

It was Lexa's turn to blush a little.

"I wish I had something to give you," Lexa admitted glumly, "Besides weapons and sword fighting lessons."

"Having you here is enough for me," Clarke said, pulling Lexa into her arms and hugging her to her chest.

Lexa smiled one of those smiles that only ever reserved for Clarke before kissing the blonde passionately.

"But I should give you more," Lexa said, with a suggestive smile, "If I can."

Clarke smiled, blushing furiously, "Well, you are Heda. You can do whatever you please."

Lexa grinned before kissing Clarke again.

Yes, she would definitely find a way to repay her.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa had always wanted to have children, but she knew there were two good reasons why that was unlikely to happen- one, she loved Costia, two, she was Heda.

However, she was only two weeks into being Commander when her first child arrived in Polis. The boy was small- and no more than three- and looked up at her with scared eyes as Titus lead him into the throne room. It reminded her so much of her own introduction to Polis- and the idea that she'd have to raise the next generation of natblidas had finally hit home. She'd be raising children like pigs for slaughter, it reminded of Costia's words and the promise she'd made to her. Yes, she wouldn't let fear get in the way, she'd change the rules as soon as possible.

Because there was no way the little boy with the scared eyes was ever going to lose his life on her watch.

"Leave us," Lexa told Titus who simply nodded once before leaving the throne room.

"Hello, Aden," Lexa said looking at the terrified child. She wished Costia could have been there to help- if her health was better maybe she would have been, even despite it being a formal meeting for Lexa, the natblida and the Flamekeeper only.

"It is an honour to meet you, Heda," Aden said, mumbling a little, but his need to be reverent towards his leader overpowered his fears.

Lexa smiled a little thinking that would calm the boy but it seemed to have the opposite effect. In fact, he was dumbstruck, and Lexa realised that no one had seen her smile whilst she was acting as Heda. She had always come across as the unyielding, ruthless commander- very few people knew the real version of her.

"Lexa," she said after a moment, "You can call me Lexa. If you want."

"But Master Titus?" Aden replied worriedly, before stopping. She saw fear in his eyes- on the one hand he'd been briefed by Titus and informed at length about what was expected of him but his Heda had just told him it was ok to call her by her birth name. Should he disobey Titus or his Heda?

"Don't worry about Titus," Lexa answered, "He means well, but he doesn't know everything."

Aden nodded apprehensively, still not comfortable with the idea of speaking, or even thinking poorly of his elders.

"Unlike the natblidas before you, you won't be fostered out to a general," Lexa informed the young boy, "Given you are the first natblida since the conclave, I feel it would be better for you to remain here. I will be the one responsible for organising your training, but you will also train with the other generals."

Aden nodded in understanding.

"Now," Lexa added, with a smile as she walked towards the doors of the throne room, "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

Lexa held out her hand, and was happy to find that Aden took it. She lead him gently from the room and up a short flight of stairs to her floor.

There was a small landing outside of the main doors of her rooms. Two guards were posted outside of them at any given time and upon seeing their Heda they opened the doors wide to allow her and the young natblida to enter.

"Lexa?" a young girl's voice called out and Lexa smiled as she saw Costia curled up on the sofa, a thick blanket draped around her shoulders, and a thick book in her hand.

Lexa smiled as she saw her, walking towards her and kissing her cheek.

"Who is this?" Costia asked, curious, giving the boy a warm smile.

"Aden," Lexa answered, after the boy just stared awkwardly at the ground- not comfortable with getting so much attention, "The first of the new natblidas."

"Lexa," Costia said cautiously, "You need to talk to Titus."

Lexa nodded. Yes, she needed to talk to Titus about changing the natblida laws. One look at Aden told her that even if he did win the conclave he'd likely struggle to stand his ground in front of the ambassadors- particularly Ice Nation. He was a kind boy, Lexa concluded, incredibly respectful, but also shy and reserved. They would need to be careful with him, he wasn't naturally ruthless or pragmatic in the way that Lexa and the natblidas in her conclave had been. In that moment, Lexa was exceptionally grateful for Costia being in her life- she was caring and supportive in a conventional way. If Aden ever got hurt, she'd be the one who bandaged his wounds, whilst Lexa would give him pointers on improving his strategy.

"Come here, Aden," Costia said, making space on the sofa, "My name's Costia. I'm a… friend, of Lexa's. Do you like vanilla cookies? I have some here."

Aden smiled a little, relaxing, taking one of the cookies and thanking Costia. In that moment Lexa was envious of Costia's ability to be able to act naturally around young children. Maybe if Lexa had a younger natblida in her generation, things might have been different.

She could ask Anya for advice, Lexa thought, when she arrived back from her scouting mission. Anya had been so proud of her for winning the conclave. She'd even arranged a party for her. She'd bought her new weapons and armour, and candles and books. She'd helped her move into the Heda's rooms. She even seemed to like Costia, unlike Titus who tolerated her girlfriend and made it clear that he thought Costia was dragging her down.

Yes, Anya would help. She'd know what to do, how to raise a young child for something like this. And she deserves to know, Lexa thought, she deserves to know that I'm changing the laws. I just hope she won't mind too much, or at least that she won't tell Indra. Indra will smash my face in when she finds out.

Maybe she could ask Gustus, Lexa also pondered. He'd been recently assigned to her, as the chief guardian of the Heda. She could think of no one better, he was protective, loyal, and he was caring. Just like her, his ruthlessness was a façade he wore so others would take him seriously. He acted like an uncle to her, and Lexa was sure the feeling was mutual- even though she'd barely known him before the conclave and they'd only had a couple of weeks to get to know each other.

"Lexa?" Costia asked, snapping her away from her thoughts, "Maybe we should go to the market, I'm sure Aden needs a few things for his room."

Lexa shook her head, "No, Costia. I can't go to the market anymore, I'm Heda now. It's not right. I'll have one of the servants get Aden whatever he needs."

"What about the training grounds?" Costia asked, and Aden looked excited at the idea.

"Are you sure?" Lexa asked.

"Stop worrying, Lexa," Costia said, taking Aden's hand as she walked towards the door, "I'll be fine. Everything will be great for us, now that you are Heda."


	9. Chapter 9

Fight with Ontari.

Clarke was used to Lexa rising before sunrise so barely consciously noticed when the girl left her, still partly asleep and began to prepare for the day ahead. She rolled over groggily, moving to Lexa's side of the bed, and taking in the warmth of where she had slept and the scent of the various perfumes that Lexa wore. The sunlight was beginning to creep in through the balcony window, casting shadows on the walls and Clarke knew she didn't have long before it would wake her up completely and then she'd have to face the harsh realities of her life on earth.

And the knowledge that her girlfriend, her still injured girlfriend, was going to fight today. Moreover, it would be a fight to the death for her opponent, but Clarke knew Lexa planned to spare the girl- and banish her. However, if, - and she didn't want to think about this, but she forced herself anyway, - if Lexa was defeated, there would be a conclave and Ontari could become Heda.

It was like Roan all over again, but Ontari was a completely unknown warrior. If Lexa said Aden was better than her at her conclave, well, what was Ontari like? Because Lexa had seven little natblidas to train, but the Ice Queen had only had one. Was Ontari's training better quality than the training the natblidas in Polis received? No, Clarke knew that Lexa spared nothing when it came to providing for her children.

Clarke sat up, knowing there was no way that she was going to get any more rest. She noticed Lexa had already changed into a training uniform- long black tunic top, leather leggings and soft grey boots. Her hair still hung in loose waves down to her back and Clarke wished she could run her fingers through it like she'd done so many times before.

"Good morning," Clarke said groggily, making Lexa jump.

"Clarke!" Lexa yelled and Clarke let out a laugh as she walked over to where Lexa was standing. A pot of what looked like black eyeshadow in her hands.

"I thought you wouldn't be easily spooked," Clarke said, a grin on her face, however the grin soon disappeared as she noticed Lexa looking at her, mortified.

"Clarke, I love you," Lexa told her in a menacing voice, "But if you laugh, I will have to impale you."

Clarke grinned, taking in sight of the Commander, standing in front of her- her black eyeshadow-like makeup smudged all over her face and crimson staining her cheeks.

"Here," Clarke said, passing Lexa a bowl of water and a cloth, "Let me help you."

Lexa closed her eyes as Clarke carefully washed the makeup away.

"What's with the raccoon war paint anyway?" Clarke asked.

"Careful, Clarke," Lexa warned her, before sighing, "It's a grounder tradition- originated in Ton DC. No one knows the original reason for creating war paint- I just wear it to intimidate my enemies and well, because I think it looks chilly."

"Chilly?" Clarke asked.

"Yes," Lexa said, "Like Octavia says. It looks chilly."

"I think you mean cool," Clarke replied.

"Same thing," Lexa answered, waving her hand to show that the difference was unimportant to her.

"All done," Clarke told her, and Lexa smiled gratefully.

"I know you are worried, Clarke," Lexa replied, "I am too. Ontari… she's an unknown. I haven't trained her myself. Gods only know what Nia taught her over the years. She might be very weak, but she could also be extremely deadly. I want you to be protected Clarke, if anything happens to me, I need to know you'll be safe."

"Hey," Clarke began, taking Lexa's hands in hers, "Listen to me. You remember when I said I didn't think you stood a chance against Roan, well I was wrong, wasn't I? And for all her faults, Nia at least cared about her son. Maybe not loved, but she cared. She would have invested in him too. You stand a good chance."

Lexa nodded contemplatively, "Yes, that doesn't seem like the logical conclusion, but still. Ontari knows of Nia's ways, and she won't have questioned them. If I lose she may attack you, or one of natblida children. Ice Nation's ways are particularly brutal, let's not forget it was them who drove your people to turn against them, who created the monster in Pike."

Clarke nodded, "We all have a monster inside of us, we're responsible for what happens when we let it out."

Lexa nodded, "Yes, Pike lost his self-control. But Ice Nation… Ice Nation are part of my coalition, I can't help but feel responsible in part. I should have had more control over them."

"You did your best, Lexa," Clarke said, "As you always do."

Lexa sighed, and Clarke was sure she could see tears forming in her eyes, "I don't think you understand, Clarke. When it comes to Ice Nation, my best is never enough. They are constantly outsmarting me- the other clans, they are happy with the coalition, with Ice Nation I always have to be on my toes."

"Well, that was when Nia was queen," Clarke told her, "Once you banish Ontari, Roan will rule on his own. And he and I, we'll figure something out."

Lexa sighed, "Roan certainly seems… well, the best of a bad bunch. But still, I need you to keep yourself safe. Please, Clarke, please take yourself and the natblidas to one of Titus's safe rooms in the tower or in the town. Somewhere where Ontari can't find you."

Clarke shook her head, "No, Lexa! I'm not going to just let you fight alone. And come on, you know Ontari will find me and the other natblidas. Do you think she's going to let anyone live who might be a threat to her?"

"Exactly, Clarke," Lexa said, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, her voice growing uneven, "What happened before, I can't have that happen again."

Clarke nodded, "It won't. If something happens, and you don't win, I will hide the natblidas. I have friends. Grounders who would help to protect them. Who protected me after I left Arkadia. I won't let Ontari get them, but the natblidas need to be there. Think about the message it sends. The ambassadors will see it as a sign of weakness- they'll think you expect to be defeated. By a little girl."

"Ontari is no little girl, Clarke," Lexa said.

"She is compared to a Heda," Clarke said, "She knows everyone thinks of her as nothing more than Nia's bitch. If you let the natblidas and I stay, to watch the fight, it will show the ambassadors that everything is business as usual. That you are not afraid."

Lexa nodded, tears running down her cheeks, "I don't want to lose anyone I love. Not again."

"You won't," Clarke promised, "Because this time it'll be different."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa had been training Aden when it happened.

Aden had grown tall and strong in the three years that he'd lived in Polis with Lexa and Costia. They had treated him almost like a little brother, or maybe even their son. Lexa knew that couldn't continue for much longer however, soon there would be other natblidas arriving in Polis. In fact, Titus was already investigating a rumour of a little girl in Floukru lands who the elders talked about having black blood. Unlike Lexa's own parents, who had been content to put the honour of Trikru and the grounder tradition before their own desires, it appeared that the girl's parents wanted to keep her nightblood a secret. Lexa couldn't blame them- it had been over fourteen years since she'd last seen her parents, and as much as she wanted to find them, to meet them again and ask a billion questions about their lives, she knew that it would be safe for her to remain in Polis. Especially with Ice Nation still being a volatile as ever.

They could be used a leverage, Lexa concluded, Ice Nation and Queen Nia would use her family against her. It would be safer for her to stay away from them. They knew everything about her anyway, everything that they needed to know. Lexa just hoped she was making them proud.

Still that didn't stop her casting an inquisitive gaze about whenever she had to travel to Trikru lands. She'd asked Titus if her family still lived on the outskirts of Ton DC but he'd be vague. As frustrating as that was, she knew he was just doing it to protect her.

Anyway, Lexa thought, she had a family now. One that she could keep safe. Costia, Aden, the other natblidas who would arrive soon. And Anya, and Indra- although they probably didn't consider themselves her family. Maybe even Titus too- although Lexa had had to remind him of his position several times, he was still her subject after all, even if he was her mentor and teacher.

"Good, Aden," Lexa said, a slight grin on her face, as the young boy swung at her, hitting her hard across the knees.

The boy didn't stop however like he used to whenever he was praised, and would immediately kneel and thank her. She trained him to continue the fight no matter what happened. She'd also taught him how to be proud of being a natblida- that natblida were not subservient and that whilst they should respect their teachers and mentors, one day one of them would be next Heda. They were not on the same level as other children or even the adults, but that was ok. Because being a natblida was something special, and it needed to be viewed and treated as such.

Lexa was about to block the boy's strike when she noticed Titus crossing the training grounds. It was only a few minutes before sunset and Lexa was confused by his arrival. By now he would have usually left for the night. Something bad must have happened. In her confusion, she let Aden strike her, but didn't flinch, instead the boy, realising the fight was over, stopped and stood with her as she faced Titus.

"Titus," Lexa began, "What news do you have for me? Is it Ice Nation, are they any closer to accepting our terms? Surely, they must have realised by now that with the other ten clans on board, forming an alliance, a coalition with Trikru is to safest option."

Titus sighed, "Ice Nation… Queen Nia…. No, she hasn't agreed, Heda. In fact, she fears that you are only trying to give yourself more power, to become a super Heda, if you will. She thinks that isn't right, that you are overstepping your authority. And she has…"

"She has what?" Lexa asked, worry apparent on her face, "What has she done?"

Titus let out a sigh, "I'm sorry, Heda. I should never have arranged for Costia to visit her parents. I should have known it wouldn't be safe."

Lexa gave Titus a horrified look. Costia? Queen Nia had taken Costia prisoner? Or worse…. No, no, Lexa couldn't contemplate that. And her Costia, who was already so sick from her illness, who had visited her parents during one of those rare moments when she felt slightly better, who had told Lexa she'd be just fine, that she didn't need a ton of guards or Lexa personally going with her…

Now…

Lexa blinked furiously, trying to hold back tears, "Titus, you will send out our best trackers immediately. And you will find Costia and bring her back to Polis. And you will order them to kill Queen Nia and anyone who has in any way hurt her or been a part of this, do you understand?"

Titus nodded, "We will find her, Heda. I swear."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa was already an hour into her two hours pre-fight training session and although Clarke had set out with the best intentions to spend the two hours drawing, albeit in the training room, her plans had been soon abandoned as she watched Lexa fight, and couldn't help but be in awe.

Lexa was a graceful fighter. She chose beautiful weapons and was creative in her fighting style. She was a great strategist- one of her best tricks was appearing weaker than she was to trick her opponents. It was a perfect plan, Clarke thought, Lexa was tiny compared to her generals- although she was still average height in reality- she looked like the sort of girl who might need protecting. Well, that was until you spoke to her, got to know her.

Clarke watched as Lexa spun, resulting in her much taller and broader opponent falling to the floor. Clarke couldn't help but grin as Lexa paused a moment, taking in her victory, before pulling up the larger opponent. It was amazing how much Lexa had recovered in just a few days, but Clarke could still see the weariness hanging over her, how Lexa moved to avoid creating pain in her stomach.

"Clarke?" Lexa said, as she walked towards her, and Clarke noticed that the left sleeve of Lexa's tunic had been cut, revealing a wound on her arm which was fairly deep.

Clarke immediately put down her sketchbook before grabbing a small first aid kit that was kept in the training room.

"Here, let me fix that," Clarke said as she took Lexa's arm in hers. Lexa obliged, although Clarke could tell that this wasn't the reason why Lexa had come to her after the fight. Something else troubled her.

"Clarke, please considered leaving before the fight," Lexa began, "I've been thinking and I just think it might be a better option for you to stay away. The vote, about the natblidas, it isn't a completely Skaikru matter. The other ambassadors are not coming, not unless they want to. I could arrange somewhere for you to stay. I have several safe houses in Floukru lands. After I pardoned Luna for leaving the conclave, well she offered them to me, to improve relations between our people."

Clarke shook her head as she gently stitched the cut, "No, Lexa. I'm staying."

"Please," Lexa said, and Clarke really looked at her this time, taking in the pain in her eyes. And understanding swept over her. This wasn't just about her, not really. She knew the reason why Lexa was afraid, she recalled what Ice Nation had done to the last girl she loved.

Clarke took Lexa's hands in hers, "History won't repeat itself, Lexa. I'll be ok, I promise."

Lexa let out a noise which sounded halfway between a choke and a sob- because there was no way that Lexa would even openly sob here, when one of her generals was only a few metres away.

"Heda?" the general asked.

"I don't wish to continue the training today," Lexa announced and Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. Lexa was ready, and now she'd rest and Clarke was grateful for that.

Clarke waited until the general had left and then pulled Lexa into her arms, giving her a sign that it was safe. That no one would see her cry. Lexa wrapped her arms tightly around her, and Clarke could feel her shaking with sobs.

"Roan won't allow that kind of behaviour," Clarke told Lexa, "He's not a barbarian like his mother. And I saw him and Ontari. They are close. He has taken over her training. She is under his control now. If Roan wants to make peace, then Ontari will be forced to too."

Lexa shook her head, "It's took much of a risk."

"Lexa," Clarke said, smoothing a wavy strand of hair away from Lexa's face, her heart almost breaking at the sight of Lexa so vulnerable and terrified of losing her, "I have a plan."

Lexa frowned, watching as Clarke walked purposefully and briskly from the room, before catching up to her. Roughly five minutes later, Clarke and Lexa had arrived outside of Roan's rooms.

"The great Heda and Wanheda," Roan said as he noticed his guests, "To what do I owe this honour? Do you wish to call off the fight?"

Lexa shook her head, but remained silent. It was Clarke who spoke.

"Skaikru requests that Ice Nation changes it's death penalty policy for prisoners of war," Clarke said, "And the Commander supports this notion."

Lexa nodded as Roan regarded her with inquisitive eyes.

"We should just abandon the formalities and get straight to point, Heda," Roan announced, "I know you fear for Clarke's life, you don't want what happened to Costia to happen again."

Clarke stiffened at Roan's bluntness and was sure she heard Lexa taken in a quick breath as she stood next to her.

"Beheadings were my mother's form of punishment," Roan said, "She disowned me. I'm not about to venerate her by upholding one of the things she valued the most. Enemies and traitors will be killed in the standard way- death by a thousand cuts- but this will only be in the most extreme circumstances, where there is a real threat to myself, Heda, or the stability of grounder society. I agree with blood must not have blood, but we must be careful with how we implement it. Certainly, Ice Nation could do better if it were less ruthless- for many years it has been the feared clan, with the largest armour and strongest warriors. But Skaikru is close to catching up- and without a viable truce, Chancellor Pike kom Skaikru will wipe all grounders from the face of the earth."

Clarke nodded, "I will relay that message when I next return to Arkadia. See if I can convince my people to be open to a truce with your clan and Heda's coalition. However, if Ontari becomes Heda…"

"She won't," Roan said.

"You can't be certain of that," Lexa said, "Even if I don't die today, I might die at some other moment. My death is imminent, Roan, and everyone knows it. I'm in even more danger now for suggesting the change to the natblida rules. If I die before I can pass these laws… I can't have Ontari as Heda."

"She's won't be Heda," Roan repeated, "Because I won't let her become Heda."

Clarke frowned.

"I know about the flame," Roan said, "Titus told me everything. Because we are working together. If something happens to Lexa, and one of her little natblidas doesn't become the next Heda- we'll destroy the flame. Lexa would be the last true commander."

"You'd bring an end to everything," Lexa said, horrified, "You and Titus, you would destroy everything?"

Roan nodded, "You have brought the clans together, stopped us killing each other. Stopped outright warfare. I think that's more important than our traditions. Skaikru elect their leaders differently to how ours are chosen. We could follow their ways. That way we won't get lumbered with a Heda Ontari who will destroy our people."

"I can't let you destroy the flame!" Lexa yelled.

"I'm sorry, what is this flame?" Clarke asked.

"The spirits of the commanders," Lexa explained, "One of the most sacred objects, if not the most, in our society."

Clarke frowned, "The spirits of the commanders?"

"It looks like a computer chip," Lexa explained, "Like the ones your people make. It is implanted under the skin and the base of the new Heda's neck. Through that the new Heda receives the wisdom of the old Hedas. They speak to her, in her dreams mostly."

Clarke gave Lexa concerned look, "Your nightmares?"

Lexa nodded.

"They are caused by an AI? Artificial intelligence?" Clarke asked in confusion.

Lexa and Roan both shared a confused look.

"Explain later," Lexa said, "King Roan of Azgaeda, I need your promise that you won't let Clarke get injured in any way if my spirit passes on today."

Roan nodded, "I promise. Although, Heda, you shouldn't underestimate yourself."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

It was a week after Costia's disappearance and Lexa had started searching herself now. She had travelled the length and breadth of Trikru lands trying to find her lover. But still, it was no use. She knew Costia would be in Ice Nation lands by now. Soon, she'd have to risk crossing into their territory- an act of war if she was caught by their scouts.

Lexa returned to her tent tiredly, chucking her sword down miserably on her war table and regarding the plate of food left for her with malice. She didn't feel hungry, and hadn't been eating or sleeping much in the past week. Titus had been concerned by her behaviour, saying she was making herself weak. That Costia wouldn't want her to do this. But she knew what Titus really wanted to say- that love was weakness, that he had been right all along. She still didn't want to believe him, but now a part of her was beginning to feel that he might be right. She was getting weaker and she had suffered because of her love for Costia. But still, it felt worth it, she could get her strength back later, once she knew Costia was safe.

Lexa threw off her red cloak and took off her armour, laying it carefully on the war table, before washing her hands and face with water from the pitcher that stood on a smaller table. She was shattered and wanting nothing more than to finally get a good night's sleep. But she knew she'd probably spend another night worried and restless.

Lexa walked around the partition between her council room and towards her bedroom and crumbled to her knees, giving out a loud scream as she saw…. Costia….

She was aware of the generals rushing in to her tent, and stopping horrified as the saw the girl's head. She was aware of Titus pulling her away, or trying to, and then the feeling of a sharp sting in her neck- a sedative.

It was two days later when she woke up. Both Anya and Titus were there when she did. She had never seen Anya look so sympathetic, and so pained, and the woman had hugged her, and reassured her that things would get better. Only Lexa had no idea how that could possibly ever happen- because Costia, her Costia was never coming back, and all she had of her was a necklace she had gifted her, and one of her braids. But she was never coming back, she'd never smile again, never hold Lexa in her arms, never kiss her, or tell her she loved her.

And it was all her fault, Lexa thought, she should have done a better job of protecting her.

"Titus," Lexa said shakily, as Anya helped her sit up and passed her a warm drink, something sugary which made her feel a little more together- if that was at all possible.

"Heda," Titus began, not knowing what to say, but the horror of everything that had happened still hung in his voice.

"Anya, could you please leave us," Lexa replied. She needed to talk to Titus. Only he would listen to her without goading her for her weakness.

Anya nodded, giving Lexa one last worried look before leaving the room.

That was when Lexa allowed herself to crumble. She sat hunched over as sobs tore through her. She didn't know what to do… the pain… the pain was worse than any injury… any number of cuts from a dagger. Costia, she just wanted to be with Costia. She didn't want to be a coward- but… but what was her life without Costia. Costia had made her life so much better, she had made being Heda nowhere near as painful as it would have been if Lexa had faced it alone. And now she was alone, she could barely turn to Titus or Anya, and they had their own views.

Their views, their views were… their views were right, she thought with a sigh. She shouldn't have relied upon Costia to fulfil her emotion needs. She shouldn't have given so much of her power to someone else. NO! she screamed at herself, digging her nails into her arms, how could she ever consider Costia not worthy of her love? She shouldn't be entertaining the idea. Still either way it was all her fault, and…

"Heda, no," Titus said, taking Lexa's hands in his and Lexa looked down at her arms to see that they were bleeding and red with scratches.

Lexa sobbed, "Titus, what's happening to me? How do I make the pain stop?"

Titus sighed, "You have always been headstrong, Lexa. Always wanted to prove me wrong. And it has been hard for me to let your make mistakes, Heda, exceptionally hard. Especially when I knew you'd come to the same conclusions I've reached, eventually, and you would suffer in reaching those conclusions. This is one of those times."

Lexa's breathing became raspier and raspier and tears ran furiously down her cheeks, "Love isn't weakness, Titus. Love isn't weakness… it isn't… it can't be… it can't…"

"You tried your hardest," Titus said, "And I admire your courage. But there are some things that just can't be changed. No matter how much you wish things were different."

Lexa sobbed, "I don't want to believe that my love for Costia made me weak."

"No, of course, you don't," Titus said, "And I'm not going to advise you to remember her as someone who weakened you. That would be too much to ask. And I know you care about her so much right now that it would be impossible for me to change your attitude towards love at this moment. Instead I urge you to meditate about this, Lexa, to open your mind to the possibility of love being weakness. To allow yourself, now that Costia is gone, and you don't have to protect her, to allow yourself to entertain this idea. "

Lexa shook her head, "Please don't make me, Titus."

Titus shook his head, "You are still young, Heda. But you won't be young forever. I allowed you and Costia to be together because I felt you needed that. But now, now you need to set aside your desires, to make yourself a strong leader. Right now, the clans need guidance if we are to form our coalition, they need a level-headed leader to help them reach their goals."

"I can't, I can't think about that right now," Lexa said, clutching a hand to her stomach, "The pain."

"It will go away," Titus said, "Quicker if you don't give it so much attention. Easier if you distance yourself from your feelings."

Lexa gave Titus a terrified look, "You want me to forget her."

"You need to let her go, Heda," Titus said, "Holding onto her isn't good for your spirit or hers."

Lexa shook head, "No, Titus! I'll never just let her go! I'll never stop loving her!"

"Then the pain will never go away," Titus told her, "Heda, I just want to protect you. I want you to be happy. But Costia isn't coming back and to be happy now, you must move beyond love. See how Ice Nation played you, by taking Costia. See how dangerous it is for you to raise Aden like a son when he could die so easily during a conclave. Remember how many times you hurt yourself, but yourself in danger to protect Costia- you fell out of a window trying to get her a birthday present for goodness sake, Heda!"

"Costia never hurt me," Lexa replied venomously.

"No, but you hurt yourself," Titus said, looking at the scratches on her arms, "Loving Costia made you hurt yourself."

Lexa sobbed. Titus was right, she had made poor decisions, acted recklessly and been prepared to even start a war just to bring Costia back, and none of that was fair to her people, the people she had sworn to protect as Heda. How could she even protect her people if she couldn't trust herself to keep herself safe?

"You are right, Titus," Lexa said with a heavy sigh, "Love has given me the excuse to weaken myself, to hurt myself, act recklessly and made poor decisions as Heda. In my hands, love is weakness. It was Costia's love for me that got her killed, and my love for her that Ice Nation sought to use to destroy me. I want to love her, but… but I think it would be best if I didn't. I just don't know how to stop it."

"By reminding yourself that love is weakness," Titus told her, "Until the message sinks in. And by ridding yourself of anything that connects you to her. It is a harsh way, but the best, the most effective, if you want to truly commit to strengthening yourself."

Lexa nodded, curling her hand around the flame pendant as Titus held out his hand to take it. Lexa sobbed as she passed the necklace to him, and Costia's braid too.

"It will get easier now, Lexa kom Trikru," Titus told her, "I swear it will."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

"10 minutes," Nadia, the youngest of the nightbloods said merrily before chewing on the end of one of her braids.

"5," Ashya said, earning a grin from Aden as he scribbled down the numbers.

"Are you?" Clarke asked, amused and surprised, "Are you betting?"

Aden nodded, "Only on how long the fight will last. We already know Heda will win."

Nadia nodded exuberantly, "Yup. Because Lexa is amazing."

"How long do you think it will take," Ashya asked, "Skaikru does bet, doesn't it?"

"Yes, we do," Clarke said, "Just not when we're children."

Nadia frowned, "That's silly."

"That's our rules," Clarke said simply, "Look there they are."

Clarke watched in wonder as Lexa strolled casually onto the battlefield. Her makeup was perfect, her hair braided and was that glitter. Had Lexa really used glitter shampoo again? Clarke grimaced, she'd probably be covered in sparkles too for days now. Why did Lexa have to be so damn extra at times?

Ontari followed Lexa, but even with her striking Ice Nation looks she paled in comparison to Lexa. And whilst the taller of the two fighters, she still looked like a little girl in comparison to the way that Lexa held herself. No, there was no way that the training Ontari had received had been on the same level as Lexa's or the mini-Heda's. Queen Nia would have never told Ontari to be proud of her nightblood, unless it served the queen in some way. She needed to keep Ontari below her, whereas Lexa sought to treat her natblidas as equals.

"Solo gonplei," the new Flamekeeper announced, "To the death."

Lexa nodded, before giving Ontari a chilling look and grabbing her swords. Lexa usually preferred to fight with two. Clarke watched as Ontari grabbed a staff from her general. Unlike Lexa who could use fear and look intimidating, Ontari looked like a pissed chipmunk as she shot Lexa her version of a death stare.

"Go on, Heda!" Nadia yelled as Lexa made the first move, already getting Ontari on the defensive, "Rip her to shreds!"

"You're five," Clarke said horrified.

"It's our way," Nadia replied nonchalantly with a shrug.

Aden noticed Clarke's horrified look, "Don't worry, Wanheda. Our blood lust only stays on the battlefield. Look, Heda's doing amazingly well, that strike there, I wish I could fight as well. And to think that she was shot only a few days ago. You must be an amazing medic, Wanheda, you should stay on in Polis as a healer, after your people sort themselves out."

Clarke smiled as the last comment, a rare glimpse that underneath the control Aden exhibited there was still a typical teenager there, who was capable of rebelling and speaking his mind a little bluntly.

"I think I might be winning," Ashya said, "Although… nope, I am right."

Clarke looked back again, and noticed that Lexa had managed to disarm Ontari. She cussed at herself silently for not paying closer attention, at this rate the fight would be over and she'd have not seen a thing. And that mattered for two reasons- one, Lexa wanted Clarke to learn sword fighting so she needed to watch fights like these, and two, because she didn't want to be caught off guard when Lexa turned to her at the end of the fight.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Nadia sung as Lexa backed Ontari into a corner and then kicked the girl to the ground.

"Is she actually, a natblida?" Ashya asked, "Or was Queen Nia just pretending? It's just, she must be at least fourteen. But she's nowhere as good as Aden."

Aden blushed a little, not wanting to accept the praise from his classmate, "Maybe Lexa will change her mind about the banishment. Help her train instead… only, I don't think Heda would bring herself to do that… after what happened to Costia."

Clarke nodded, "No, Ontari has to be banished. She's just too volatile."

Aden nodded glumly, "I wish Lexa had an easier life, at least you make it better for her. She was so closed off and lost before you arrived. After Costia died, she shut everyone out. I was the only one who could remember what she was like before, when she used to smile… to be happy. She didn't get that back until she found you."

"So you should never, ever, ever, leave her!" Nadia commanded.

"I won't if I can help it," Clarke told the little girl, before turning back to the fight to see…

Lexa had won. She stood with the tip of sword to Ontari's throat, and the girl showed no signs of continuing the fight.

"Lexa kom Trikru," the Flamekeeper announced as Clarke dared to grin. But then…

Ontari grabbed the dagger from beneath her robes and brought it out too quickly for Clarke to notice it at first, until, until she stabbed it hard between Lexa's ribs.

"No!" Clarke said, as she watched Lexa register what had happened. She abandoned the need to remain professional as she raced to Lexa's side and the generals grabbed Ontari, pining her down.

Clarke caught Lexa just as she fell into her arms.

"Don't worry, Clarke," she told her girlfriend, "It's just a dagger wound."

"What?" Clarke asked, incredulous.

"You saved Finn when he was stabbed," Lexa said, "And my people, they know how to treat this kind of thing."

Clarke sighed, "You shouldn't be this calm."

"You're here, Clarke," Lexa said, "And we're going to all survive this. No matter how much pain I suffer. Just having you here, no matter what happens to me, that's all that matters. Ai hod yu in."

" i hod yu in, seintaim, Lexa," Clarke said, as Lexa closed her eyes, "Rest now. I'll be here when you wake up. I swear."


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke walked around the throne room nervously as she waited for Lexa to arrive. It had been three days since her fight with Ontari. Lexa had been lucky, the dagger hadn't damaged her lungs or caused any swelling. Clarke felt immensely grateful for that, not only because she'd been afraid that Lexa would be in serious danger again, but also because she knew Lexa's faith in her healing abilities had rung true. She wanted to ensure that Lexa was always happy, could trust her, especially after her past and the amount of times she'd been betrayed. Also, she knew that the past few weeks had brought up a lot of memories for Lexa, things she liked to pretend didn't affect her. They both needed time to relax and Clarke hoped vehemently that after the council meeting they might get a chance to finally do that.

If only for a little while, Clarke added silently, she'd have to go back to Arkadia soon. There was no way that the situation with Pike would improve unless she was there to help. Octavia was right, no matter how much she wanted to stay with Lexa, there was absolutely nothing she could do in Polis to help the situation for her people. She no longer could use the excuse that she needed to stay to ensure Lexa kept her promises- not that anyone had ever believed that excuse in the first place. Moreover, after the fight, everyone knew that Clarke and Lexa were together. Clarke didn't know if Lexa appreciated them being outed like that but she hadn't said anything, and Clarke knew Lexa was realistic- in that moment she'd needed her and she didn't care what it looked like to her subjects.

According to Aden and the other natblidas they hadn't been fooling anyone anyway. Clarke sighed, she and Lexa tried their hardest to keep up a strong, unwavering face and personality when they were in front of the ambassadors, but how much of the truth slipped through without them even noticing?

"Clarke?" a familiar voice asked and Clarke turned to see a small figure standing in the doorway of the throne room.

"Yes, Ashya?" Clarke said, as the little girl walked towards her. There was definitely something uncanny about the child. She had a striking resemblance to Lexa. So much so that Clarke would have believed her if she'd said that she was Lexa's sister. Ashya had been born to a Trikru family, Lexa told her, but everyone considered each other family, so it was likely that Ashya and Lexa were probably related- maybe second cousins or something like- but the grounder community didn't care either way. Clarke wanted to talk to her mother about DNA testing. There might be some way to find out if they were related. Before, Lexa would have never even considered, but now, with the change of the laws, Lexa was more open to finding out if Ashya was a relative of hers- given that there was less chance of losing her to a conclave.

"How is Heda?" Ashya asked as she joined Clarke by the window.

"Lexa's fine," Clarke told the young girl, "She needs more rest, but she's more than ready to get back to official business."

Well, Clarke added silently, she did need more rest. That was her opinion as a medic. But it was Lexa's choice to go back to official business this early. Clarke wanted her to postpone the council but Lexa, as per usual, told her there was absolutely nothing to worry about. At least she'd gotten her to promise to sit during the proceedings, and to avoid an excessively long speech.

"What's going to happen to Ontari?" Ashya asked, "Heda can't just exile her now. Not after she attacked her outside the bounds of solo gonplei. Does blood must not have blood still apply?"

Clarke nodded, "Lexa plans to send her to Ice Nation. King Roan will decide her fate. Lexa doesn't want to make an exception for Ontari. She says that giving her too much attention is what she wants. We need to avoid glorifying or making martyrs of people like Ontari. We shouldn't give attention to people who want to destroy the peace and our way of life."

Ashya nodded, "But what about Pike kom Skirkru? You need to give him attention, otherwise he'll destroy everything."

"I know," Clarke said with a heavy sigh, "And that's why I have to leave soon. To help Skirkru."

"We'll all miss you," Ashya replied, a glum look on her face. How many people had she seen leave Polis, Clarke thought, who she knew would never return? Lexa had told her about the battles that had occurred during her childhood. About how the other natblidas had lost mentors to war. Had Ashya and the other natblidas resigned themselves to that kind of loss?

"Will Heda be going with you?" Ashya asked.

"No," Clarke said, her breathing uneven, "She'll need to stay in Polis."

"But… but…" Ashya began, "You can't just leave her. Not when you two are in love."

Clarke smiled, "I won't be gone too long. Just long enough to fix things with Arkadia. I plan to stay in Polis as the official ambassador for my people."

Ashya pondered that as Clarke's thoughts spun in her mind. Was she the leader of her people? Maybe, in some ways. But she'd been a stand in leader for those few weeks until the other Ark residents arrived on earth. She and Bellamy had been leaders out of necessity- because no one else was prepared to do it. Whilst the delinquents only really listened to her or Bellamy, she knew they would adjust. Yes, Clarke could be a leader her people poured their hopes and dreams into, just as Lexa wished for her, but she didn't want to be the chancellor. No, her mother or Kane should take that role. She could be a leader here instead. It was time that she got a chance to live a normal, or as normal as possible life too, and she wanted that to be here in Polis.

"Why can't Heda go with you?" Ashya asked, as the doors of the throne room opened to reveal Lexa herself.

Lexa smiled at the young natblida who immediately bowed before her, only rising after a nod from the commander.

"Ashya," Lexa began, "Could you leave us please?"

The little girl nodded before walking out of the room.

"It seems we are contemplating the same issues," Lexa said, "Ashya has a good point. There are no reasons why I can't travel with you to Arkadia."

Clarke shook her head, "Pike will lock you up, kill you even. I can't risk that. Please, Lexa, please wait for me in Polis. I swear I'll talk Pike round, or Bellamy will."

"Bellamy was working with him," Lexa said, "He was involved in the massacre of my army. At any other time, he'd be forced to answer for war crimes. Before blood must not have blood, he would have suffered death by a thousand cuts."

Clarke nodded understandingly, "I know what Bellamy did was wrong, and what Pike did was even worse. And I'm grateful that you agreed to blood must not have blood. Bellamy… I'll talk to him. I remember his first kill on the ground, he told me that his mother would be ashamed of him. He lives with a lot of responsibility and guilt- protecting his sister, his people. He just believes he's making the right choice. He's not trying to be malicious or prejudiced."

Lexa sighed, "Maybe if I spoke to Bellamy. If what you say is true, and he is just misguided. I could see the look on his face at the ascension ceremony. He blames me for Mount Weather. If this is what his hatred of grounders is based on. Well, you forgave me. Maybe eventually he might forgive us too."

Clarke nodded, "We were good friends before everything happened at Mount Weather. I think he feels betrayed by the both of us. If we could fix that, well, then I think we might be able to fix everything in Arkadia. The people, they did vote for Pike, but I believe that was only because people like Bellamy supported him. Bellamy was the one who ensured we survived on the ground those first few months. They trust his decisions, because he's proved that he can help us stay alive."

Lexa nodded, "Maybe he has more in common with me than he likes to admit. We both are leaders, we both have people to protect, we've both had to be ruthless, been betrayed."

"They say that the people we like the least," Clarke said, "Are the ones that remind us of our own failings. Maybe when you made your decision at Mount Weather, it made him aware of what he was capable of. He pulled the lever too, you know. He is as much of a Wanheda as I am. That must have left its mark."

Lexa nodded, "I should talk to him."

"Octavia could help him get to Polis," Clarke said.

"No," Lexa argued, "If there is to be a revolution, I want to be there to help the both of you achieve it."

Clarke sighed, "You're not going to back down, are you? Even if you're going to put yourself in danger by coming with me."

Lexa shook her head, with a smile, "I'll always be with you, Clarke. I'm not going to leave you any sooner than I need to."

Clarke nodded, "Ok. But maybe we should arrange a meeting ahead of time with Pike. So that at least you can come to Arkadia without being instantly made a prisoner?"

Lexa nodded, "We can try at least."

"Heda," the next Flamekeeper said, "Wanheda. The ambassadors have arrived."

"Send them up," Lexa commanded before sitting down on her throne. Clarke could tell that she was exhausted. Her forehead creased with pain, and she closed her eyes momentarily, breathing deeply. Clarke took her hand.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked.

Lexa looked up at her, not attempting a reassuring smile because she knew Clarke had seen her grimace, her tiredness, her pain.

"I'll be ok," Lexa told her, "I'll keep the meeting short, then I'll rest. Before we start planning our journey to Arkadia."

"We won't be leaving for a few days," Clarke said, "It will take a few days to arrange guards and provisions for the journey. And well, the natblidas have asked me to play football with them again, and I want to keep my promise. You need time to rest anyway."

Lexa nodded, before suggesting, "And maybe I could learn football, too?"

Clarke smiled, "You really want to learn football?"

"Of course," Lexa said, "It would be a good way to improve my strategy, and to teach it too. I could get the generals to continue it with the natblidas after I leave."

Clarke grinned at the idea as the ambassadors and generals spilled into the room. With a nod of reassurance from Lexa, Clarke took her seat at Lexa's left-hand side, in the circle of chairs placed on the floor below the throne platform.

"Ambassadors of the thirteen clans," Lexa began, "We assemble here to discuss just one matter. Today we will be voting to change the natblida laws- to change the conclave from a fight to the death, to a fight to the surrender. I am sure you have had plenty of time to discuss with your leaders and clan generals. Are there any queries?"

The ambassadors looked at each other uncertainly, not sure if anyone would dare to comment. It was true that they'd had plenty of days to contemplate the vote and talk with their seniors. Lexa had planned the meeting initially for the day after the fight with Ontari. The extra three days had given plenty of the ambassadors enough time to ride back to their homelands to talk to their leaders in person.

"Good," Lexa said, "Then we shall vote now. All those in favour of changing the law, please raise your hands."

Clarke raised her hand and looked around the room. The ambassadors were slow to raise their hands at first, and Clarke suspected that the majority of them sat on the fence when it came to this matter. The Floukru ambassador was the first to raise his hand and Clarke suspected that it was because the head of their clan had fled from the conclave. Having a pacifist as a clan leader no doubt shaped their views on the matter.

The next clan ambassador to raise his hand was, somewhat surprisingly, the Ice Nation ambassador. At first Clarke and the other ambassadors shared a confused look but after a moment's thought it became clear to them why Ice Nation had made this decision. The current laws had turned children into murders, or wannabe murderers like Ontari. Ice Nation had too many Ontaris and had seen the effect of those individuals on their society. King Roan was clearly not his mother, he didn't want to have his army filled with warmongers, instead he wanted trustworthy soldiers. And he was probably hoping that he'd get out of the best natblidas to protect his lands- given Ice Nation thought of themselves as royal and above everyone else. Even the Commander sometimes.

Five clans raised their hands in quick succession following Ice Nation's declaration and Clarke felt a pang form in her chest. There were now seven votes for the new law. They had the majority. Knowing this, three more clans raised their hands hurriedly but Clarke knew that Lexa had taken note of the ones who had failed to support her or who had taken a long time to answer.

"The votes has passed," Lexa announced, "At the next conclave, the natblidas will fight to the surrender, with the last one to back down becoming the next Heda. The other natblidas will be assigned to protect clan lands dependent on their performance in the conclave, family ties and personal choices. Thank you. Meeting adjourned."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Lexa felt that the passing of the new laws merited a party.

Following the meeting, Clarke decided to write a letter to her mother and had paid a warrior's second to deliver it in secret to Octavia. It detailed the new laws and Lexa and Clarke's plan to travel to Arkadia to meet with Pike and Bellamy. Clarke hoped her mom would receive the letter before they set off for the Ark station but she knew that Pike had tightened security even more since she left. No doubt Pike had also heard about Lexa's injuries and Clarke's role in her recovery, and the talk of Clarke and Lexa's relationship which had been buzzing in and out of Polis market since the solo gonplei. Pike was likely going to arrest her for helping the grounder's commander, she just hoped he wouldn't use it as an excuse to arrest her mom, Kane and Octavia too.

It was dark when Clarke finally returned to her room- well, Lexa's room, actually, but it had become her room too now. What struck her as most odd was the lack of lit candles in the room- usually Lexa only had a few lit when she slept, but she was not asleep at all. That meant she was out- probably in the throne room. Clarke hoped she wasn't still handling grounder business. Clarke knew that Lexa often got up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, and sat pondering her responsibilities over and over in her mind. It had worried her at first, but Clarke knew she always fell asleep eventually. She'd often found her curled up on the sofa in the mornings, a stack of books and paperwork by her side.

Clarke walked up the flight of stairs to the throne room, pausing for a moment as the guards opened the doors. She was shocked when she saw what Lexa had done to the throne room. There were four tables full of food- a buffet, with several small dishes, cakes mostly, but some savoury foods too- ones Clarke recognised as being similar to fries, or pretzels or cheese pastries, but others too that were only found in Polis and had been designed specifically for the commander.

"Finally!" Nadia yelled as she raced towards Clarke and Lexa looked up apologetically from the rug where she was sitting with Aden, playing what looked like some sort of board game crossed with marbles. Clarke couldn't tell who was winning but from the look on Aden's face it appeared that he was doing well at whatever the game was.

Clarke joined Lexa on the rug as the other natblidas raced around them playing whatever was considered a normal childhood game in Polis. She suspected their games included grounder v.s. mountain man, and probably grounder v.s. Skaikru- not that they'd ever admit to the later in front of Clarke and Lexa.

"The guards have been arranged and food has been ordered," Lexa announced, "I've arranged for our fastest and strongest horses to be shoed and groomed. All that remains to be arranged is clothes and new furs for my tent."

Clarke frowned, "Clothes?"

Lexa nodded, "Yes, if I'm staying in Arkadia for a while I'll need more clothes. Non-battle clothes, in particular. I do like my Heda uniforms and armour- but … well, I don't want people to think I'm a moment away from declaring war when I'm trying to negotiate peace with them. The more I look like one of them, the greater the chance I will have of convincing them to work with me."

Clarke nodded, "It could help. But I don't think it's necessary."

Lexa shrugged, "It's no trouble to arrange. And if you need anything then don't hesitate to ask for it."

Clarke smiled, "Thank you, Lexa."

"No problem," Lexa said, "Oh, and Clarke, the natblidas and I have a surprise for you."

Clarke frowned as Lexa led her towards one of the buffet tables.

"Is that?" Clarke asked in shock, "Is that pizza?"

Lexa nodded as she looked proudly at the pizzas her and the natblidas had made, following Octavia's recipe. Lexa hadn't cared to ask how someone who'd lived under floor boards for sixteen years knew the recipe for pizza. That probably explained the slight charring and the odd flavour combinations- orange segment and chorizo, which Clarke assumed was meant to be ham and pineapple- but some details had been misinterpreted and altered due to the fact that Polis was still affected by the seasonality.

"It's lovely," Clarke said, as she tried not to grimace at the flavour of the orange and chorizo combining.

Lexa and Aden shared a grin before Aden burst out laughing.

"It's a joke one, silly," Nadia said, "Not a real pizza."

Lexa smiled as Clarke shook her head. Lexa, a prankster? She'd never thought that could be possible. But then again, since living in Polis she'd seen a completely different side to the girl. Instead of being emotionless and ruthless, she'd seen Lexa as vulnerable and innocent, and a victim in some ways- although she never identified as one. She'd seen Lexa take on the role of big sister and mother to her natblidas, and saw how seriously she took her duty to them. Most strikingly Clarke had seen the moments when Lexa was nothing more than a twenty-two year old girl who wanted fun and freedom in her life and had loved her even more if it was possible to.

"I'm going to get you back, you know," Clarke promised her, "One of these days I'm going to tell you a bandit has run away with all your candles or that your stylist has run out of glitter shampoo, and then you'll never prank me again!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Lexa replied, a grin appearing a few moments later.

"Heda's smiling again," Nadia announced merrily as Clarke and Lexa shared a look that spoke a thousand words.

Clarke would never be Costia, but she was now just as important in Lexa's eyes, and for Clarke there had been no one who'd even gotten close to Lexa's level. She had brought Lexa back in a multitude of ways and everyone had benefited from it and she was so grateful to have the opportunity to do that.

"Ok, truce," Clarke said.

"Only if you teach me football," Lexa countered.

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Ok, let's teach Heda football then. Ok, who wants to be on team Wanheda, and who wants to be on team Heda?"

Lexa frowned. Of course, it seemed odd, the natblidas were all sworn to her and now they were being asked to choose a different side. But of course, they understood the rules and neatly arranged themselves into two teams- Ashya with Clarke and Aden with Lexa and Nadia eventually choosing Lexa too.

"Traitors," Lexa accused Clarke's team, but the grin on her face told them that she understood the game now and there was nothing more than competitive rivalry here.

"Ok," Clarke said, "Who wants to explain the rules to Heda?"

"Football's really simple," Aden began, "Basically there are two teams, and a ball, and to score a goal you have to kick the ball into the rival teams goal. Whoever scores the most goals wins. Oh, and you need people to defend the goal and people who will try to score the goals. Attack and defence."

Lexa nodded in understanding, "Attack and defence, simple."

Clarke smiled lightly as she saw Lexa's eyes light up with competitiveness. There hadn't been competitiveness or rivalry between her and Lexa before, mostly because they'd been working together as a team to solve their problems, but rivalry seem natural to them and Clarke soon found herself being sucked into that emotion.

"Ok, first you shake hands," Aden continued, "Then the game begins."

Lexa and Clarke nodded as they moved towards the centre of the 'pitch'. The natblidas had arranged some wine goblets to form goal posts and Clarke smiled as she remembered being told off by Aden for trying use Lexa's candles before.

Lexa and Clarke shook hands and Clarke could see a mischievous glint in Lexa's eyes, she cussed her teachers on the Ark for not including strategy in her earth skills lessons. She definitely could have used some tuition in that now.

Lexa was the first one to strike, carefully manoeuvring the ball away from Clarke and passing it to one of her young team mates. Clarke gave Lexa an impressed look- the girl was still in pain and injured yet she was just as lightning fast and agile as usual. Clarke recalled being almost out competed by the younger natblidas and as much as she didn't want to admit it, there was a good chance that Lexa's team would win.

And fifteen minutes later, after Lexa's team had scored two goals, it seemed like that outcome would be a reality.

Lexa gave Clarke a smug look as she readied herself to make another shot at the goal and that was when Clarke decided to act. She moved to block and tackle Lexa, a move she'd been avoiding out of fear that Lexa might be injured if she fell, but observing her that afternoon, she knew Lexa was still as strong as ever, and the pain didn't affect her judgements, even if she was a little tired and achy still.

Clarke managed to get the ball away and Ashya caught it, but Lexa used her tackle against causing her to fall to floor, Lexa falling too- being caught in Clarke's arms. Lexa let out a raucous laugh which Clarke also returned, and she was sure she saw the natblidas give each other shocked looks. Lexa never laughed, and Clarke and the natblidas had never heard her laugh like that before.

"Heda?" a familiar voice asked and Lexa and Clarke turned to face the doorway, where Octavia stood, a grin on her face.

"I watched football games with Bellamy," Octavia began, "I think that was a foul, Clarke. Which means Lexa gets a penalty."

Clarke was sure she saw Lexa's team cheer, "Did my mom get my letter?"

Octavia shook her head, "No, Pike has strengthened the defences too much for me to even get close to Arkadia on horseback. I wouldn't have reached her on foot before you arrived there yourselves. As for meeting with Bellamy and Pike- that's unlikely to happen- not unless you march on Arkadia. I know Bellamy doesn't want to see either of you. But Bellamy and Pike are just trying to protect their people- if you offered them a deal, to show that grounders aren't a threat, and to really prove it to them, they might change their minds."

Lexa shook her head, "We offered them the position of 13th clan, we repealed the tradition of blood must not have blood. We have offered all we can. I have given all I can without threatening my position as Heda- maybe someone should remind Pike that the next Heda may not be so nice."

"Doubtful," Octavia said, casting her eyes on the mini-Heda who watched the conversation between the three older girls with a mixture of awe and nervousness. This was high politics, something they were trained in but rarely glimpsed.

"Well if an offer won't work," Clarke said, "Then we need a careful threat. Something to incentivise them. Something that works alongside blood must not have blood but also gets the point across that we won't stand for this."

Lexa nodded, "Yes, Clarke. I will think of something. But Octavia is right, we must march with a full army. Hopefully Pike will take up any ultimatums before the twelve clans have to lay waste to Arkadia."

Clarke nodded, "But if you are forced to…"

"I will offer your mother and Chancellor Kane positions here," Lexa said, "We need more medics and diplomats. In fact, perhaps those offers might incentivise others to work with us rather than against us. Real jobs, community, safety and real food, of course."

Clarke smiled, remembering the time they'd been travelling with the Ice Queen's body back to Arkadia and Clarke had offered Lexa one of her last remaining ration packs. Lexa had looked at in disgust before summoning her servants who prepared them fresh fish with herbs. Clarke recalled how many of her people had liked mount weather initially because of the food, as funny as it sounded, perhaps the key to convincing the delinquents to change their minds lay with a nice homecooked meal.

"I will think about it later," Lexa said, "First, I need to defeat Clarke."

"Octavia?" Clarke asked.

Octavia rolled her eyes, "I'll referee."

"Coward," Clarke complained as Lexa sized her up again with an adorable grin, as the natblidas fell into an organised formation around her.

"I'm not going to let you win this," Clarke announced.

"I don't need your permission to win, Clarke," Lexa countered, "I'm just going to anyway."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

 **Four Days Later**

A lot had happened in the four days since the vote. The ambassadors had returned home, as the council would not be meeting for the next month. Regiments of soldiers had been called to Polis from each of the twelve clans- forming an army of roughly ten thousand. Provisions had been bought and weapons ready.

And now Clarke and Lexa were on their way to Arkadia, to face Pike and Bellamy and everything they threw at them.

Clarke couldn't deny that she was feeling nervous, but having Lexa by her side made things easier. Lexa smiled over at her whenever she looked her way. Clarke thought back to how insistent she'd been at first that Lexa didn't accompany her- she knew now that they'd both made the right choice. Riding from Polis, alone, without Lexa, would have too painful. Not only because Clarke would have missed and worried about her but also because she would have been lonely and afraid and had no one to turn to for support. She needed Lexa, even though that thought would have previously filled her with fear.

Lexa had come to an ultimatum with regards to Arkadia. The Ark needed to hand over Pike and the others who had killed her army and destroyed the village. They would then stand trial- with half of the jury from Arkadia and half from the clans. If found guilty they'd be flogged- twenty lashes each. Then Arkadia would help Lexa and her people rebuild the destroyed village, using Arkadian technology to provide running water, sanitation and electricity to improve the villagers' quality of life.

If Arkadia refused to hand over Pike and his people and elect a new leader, Lexa and her army would lay waste to Arkadia. Although Lexa said she would spare the children and the elderly, and any medics who yielded.

Clarke admired Lexa's ability to come up with such a good plan. It was one that she knew he people were likely agree to. One that sounded like the start of real peace between them and the grounders. Lexa had shown that she could be merciful and fair, whilst not jeopardising her people. She'd given Arkadia a chance to be a part of a solution rather than decimating them immediately. And best of all, she'd presented them with an opportunity to work together, showing them that they could be allies.

"Clarke?" Lexa began in an unusually uncertain voice, "Do you think that Ashya might be related to me?"

Clarke shrugged, "I don't know. But my mother could find out, if you'd like?"

Lexa sighed, "I don't know. I feel like my people could benefit from Arkadia's technology, but we've gone nearly a century without any of those resources. And we view family different here- a part of me says I should accept her as my sister, just because she is Trikru."

Clarke nodded, "Whatever happens she'll always be your family. Like all of the natblidas."

"And you," Lexa added.

Clarke frowned a little, and Lexa nodded.

"We should be family, Clarke," Lexa announced, "I can talk to my people about the special days, see which one would be most suitable for us, if you like?"

Clarke smiled. Marrying Lexa? Or whatever version of marriage the grounders had? Yes, she wanted that more than anything!

"Yes, I would like that," Clarke said with a smile.

Clarke and Lexa rode together over the hill side, seeing Arkadia below them. Yes, they would be married, as soon as the war was over. Then her mom and Kane and her friends could come to Polis for the ceremony. She couldn't wait for them to get to know her natblida family, and to get to see the real Lexa too. The girl between the raccoon mask and fancy armour. The girl who was obsessed with candles, named her daggers, who was super competitive at football, and who fell asleep reading. The girl who was an older sister, a mother and a lover but still had a certain childlike aura about her at times- an aura that only those closest and most trusted were allowed to glimpse.

Clarke and Lexa stopped in trepidation, noticing a figure approaching them- Kane.

The man gave them a warm smile as Clarke and Lexa shared a look before deciding it was ok to dismount from their horses.

"Commander," Kane began, "Your scouts have brought your terms to our council. They have voted- Pike and Bellamy and the others will stand trial. We will help to build the village again- Raven has already drawn up some plans to tap into the local dam, once it is repaired, to create an irrigation system for the surrounding fields. Our elections will be taking place in two days' time. Pike was not pleased that the people had voted against him, but you must understand the initial election was not a landslide win. There are many who are strongly against him- mostly the hundred, surprisingly enough. Clarke, your mother and I will be running for election, but I also wondered if you want to compete? I know it's usually only open to over twenty-ones but in your situation, we could make an allowance."

Clarke shook her head, "No, I want to stay in Polis, as our ambassadors."

Kane smiled as he looked at the two girls, "I understand. And Commander, Abby says yes. She gives you both her blessing, but tells you that if you do anything like you did at Ton DC or Mount Weather again, she will kill you."

Lexa smiled, "You can reassure her that I will keep my promises to Clarke. I will not make those mistakes again."

Kane nodded, "You and your army must be tired. Come, join us. We have a lot to discuss."

Lexa gave Clarke a worried look but she just nodded. If Kane said it was safe, she believed him.

Lexa and Clarke walked together down the hill side, several generals following close behind.

Arkadia. Clarke was going back, home? No, Polis was home.

Lexa was home.

But at least for a little while both her worlds could be together, at long last.

And everything was beginning to feel right again.

Clarke looked at Lexa who took her hand.

Yes, this was everything she'd ever wanted. The Earth she had longed for during those eighteen years on the Ark.

This was where she belonged.

 **THE END**


End file.
